Officially Yours
by DirtyMistress
Summary: Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd have been friends for 4 long years, but when Derek finds himself engaged and on the very previous night of his wedding his fears and true feelings surface. Will he listen to what his heart suddenly has to say?
1. The One With The Wedding Dress

**Hi. Perhaps some of you may know me from other boards (my screen name is the same everywhere), for those of you who don't I want to say that this is not my first story, it is on this site but I've written a few other stories throughout the years.**

**This story is completely AU and rated M for mature content, so you've been warned.**

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy or it's characters.**

"So, how are you?" Cristina asked as she propped her feet up the coffee table

"I am great" a very intoxicated Meredith giggled "Thaaaaaank youuuuuuuu" she murmured patting the neck of the bottle of tequila she and her friend had been drinking.

"I don't mean like that" Cristina laughed pouring her friend and herself another shot of the golden liquid "With the wedding" she clarified before repeating her question "How are you feeling about that?"

"No comment" she muttered against the edge of her shot of tequila before downing it as if the liquid was water. For her it was, she was so used to down shots the burning sensation that had thrilled her at first was now nowhere in sight.

"That's what I thought"

The second Cristina Yang heard about 'the' wedding she knew she had to be there for her best friend. After cancelling all her appointments for the rest of the week she took the first available flight to Seattle.

Meredith picked her up at the airport and to her surprise she was ok, she looked ok, but the only reason was the stress and of course that river in Egypt she so much liked to drown on.

"How did you end up being the planner?" Cristina asked curiously, she could not understand why Meredith, especially Meredith for how she felt about the wedding, was planning every single thing.

"I tried to be excited for him" she shrugged, with a sigh she continued "But I guess it was too much excitement"

"Fake excitement" her friend corrected her

With a nod Meredith continued "She was there when they told me and when she saw all my excitement, -fake- she asked me to help her"

"And you did" it wasn't a question as much as a statement

"Mhhmm" Meredith murmured with a slow and persistent nod

"You even organized her bachelorette party" Cristina shook her head

The two friends fell in silence, it was obvious the buzz they had was now gone. The subject at hand was something that made their mind clear up and see reality.

Meredith got up and instantly took her hand to her head, with a groan she sat back on the couch "Too fast" she murmured. Moving her hand away from her head she looked at her friend. The look on her eyes was a look Meredith did not like, it was a disapproving look. She understood completely why Cristina didn't approve of her actions; with what Meredith was doing she was only hurting herself even more.

"I am not going to get any sleep tonight" Meredith sighed after checking her wrist watch

"The wedding is at 2, isn't it?" Cristina asked. It was still 1 in the morning, she had time and time to sleep.

"Yes, but I have to take the dress to her apartment at 6 in the morning" Meredith explained with a bit of annoyance on her voice

"What dress?"

"The dress" Meredith said, her friend's eyebrow rose and she nodded before saying "I have her wedding dress here, I had to pick it up from the seamstress today"

"Have you tried it on yet?" she asked with an evil smile on her face, a smile Meredith laughed about before shaking her head "You told me it is custom made, right?" Cristina asked, at what Meredith simply answered with a nod "So, she never wore the dress" Cristina pointed out with an even eviler smile

"She had to go at least 5 times to try it on" Meredith told her friend. She had been in every single one of the appointments. She had seen her with the wedding gown on, spinning around with a radiant smile on her face.

"But she's never tried the dress when it was finished" Cristina half asked, half stated

"Technically… no" Meredith said a little bit surprised, she never realized that fact.

"Where do you have it?"

"My bedroom"

Before Meredith finished her answer Cristina was out the door and marching towards Meredith's bedroom. As soon as Meredith realized she followed quickly after her. Cristina was already unzipping the white bag that was protecting the expensive wedding gown when she entered her bedroom.

"You have to try it on"

Her friend's words sounded more like an order than a suggestion. And as soon as she saw her friend unzipping the back of the dress without waiting for an answer she knew it was an order and not a suggestion like it should have been coming from any other person on the planet.

"I am not putting it on" Meredith refused, she could not put that dress on, it wasn't right.

"Come on Mer, she is taking your guy, the least you can do is make her wear an used dress"

That was all it took to convince her. Meredith took her clothes off and undressed to her panties in seconds. She would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about how it would look on her, but she never had the courage to actually put it on. Not because she didn't want to be the first person in wearing it but because of what the dress really meant.

"It is beautiful" Meredith said with a smile holding the dress to her chest. But the smile soon disappeared from her face. The second she saw herself with the dress she remembered why she hadn't tried it on before. She couldn't be wearing that dress. She wanted, needed to take it off but her friend was already zipping it up... forcefully.

"God, she must be a fucking skeleton, you are a skinny bitch and you can't even fit in it" Cristina muttered as she pushed the zipper up with all her might

"She is all hips, but her chest is like an ironing table" she told her friend sincerely as she fought to breathe normally, the dress was too tight on her chest and the zipper wasn't even all the way up. And the fact that she was wearing the dress another woman was going to wear to marry the guy of her dreams wasn't helping.

Cristina laughed at her friend's words but her expression changed in a split second "Fuck" She couldn't move the zipper, not up nor down. "Fuck" she repeated after she tried again.

"What?" Meredith asked as she turned around thinking her friend had zipped it all the way up.

Just as quickly as Cristina's expression had changed to a straight concerned face it changed to the opposite. She couldn't hold the laughter and just burst. Meredith looked at her completely confused.

"Do I look that bad?" Meredith asked as she looked at herself in the mirror. She really liked how the dress fit her, even on the chest, it was so tight the dress was pushing her breasts up and her cleavage reminded her to those cleavages ladies wore in the Renaissance.

"Oh my God, this is so funny" Cristina said in between fits of laughter, she had to hold her stomach in case it burst "You're stuck"

"Stuck?" Meredith asked confused, when Cristina nodded looking towards the dress she realized what that 'stuck' meant and her eyes widened "Cristina! Help me take it off!"

"Can't" she continued laughing "Really… stuck" by that point Cristina couldn't speak, tears almost spilling off her dark eyes.

At first Meredith tried desperately to reach the zipper, thing that only made her friend laugh harder. After a while she gave up and looked at her friend completely defeated. Cristina stopped laughing then, she took a moment to look at her friend and see how beautiful she really looked, and when she was about to tell her Meredith suddenly started laughing just as hard as she had done. Cristina followed suit, joining her and they both laughed for minutes.

"This is what I get for listening to you" Meredith giggled as she sat on the edge of her bed

"Don't tell me this is not the more fun you've had in months" Cristina tried to defend herself, with the look Meredith gave her she knew it was true "You know there's always space in the office, my offer still stands. Everything could be just like it was before you followed after him" Cristina told her best friend sincerely before standing up and walking to the door, before disappearing down the hall she told her friend "I am going to find something to help you out that dress"

There was a soft knock at the door when she was walking along the hallway, it had been so soft she was sure she wouldn't have heard it if she hadn't been right next to the door. She looked through the peephole and sighed annoyed at the person on the other side of the door. But when she remembered the situation inside of Meredith's bedroom her expression changed to that same mischievous smile she had when she proposed to Meredith trying on the wedding gown.

Without opening the door Cristina walked to the living room and gathered all her stuff. With coat and purse in hand she opened the door, surprising completely the person waiting on the hall and with a simple "She's in her room" she flew and left them alone.

Completely confused he walked inside the house with the confidence he always walked in. He had been more times he could even remember inside that apartment. "Mer?" he called heading towards her bedroom

"Derek?" Meredith gasped jumping up the bed. She looked around, looking for a place to hide behind; looking for a way to hide the dress Derek's fiancée was going to walk down the isle with.


	2. The One With The Empty Promise

_**Disclaimer: I don't own grey's Anatomy or its characters. This story is rated M for mature content.**_

**Thanks for the wonderful comments. Hope you enjoy this update. We continue right where we left off…**

* * *

><p><em>Completely confused he walked inside the house with the confidence he always walked in. He had been more times he could even remember inside that apartment. "Mer?" he called heading towards her bedroom<em>

"_Derek?" Meredith gasped jumping up the bed. She looked around, looking for a place to hide behind; looking for a way to hide the dress Derek's fiancée was going to walk down the isle with._

"The boys left and I was feeling like t-" his voice suddenly stopped, his eyes had connected with her anxious form and he couldn't muster even the ending of that word, something deep inside of him was happening and all he could think about was that he was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life.

"I am so sorry Derek" Meredith apologized "I tried it on and now the zipper is stuck" she tried to explain, her eyes on the floor with embarrassment as she talked "Cristina was going to get something to help me take it off"

"She just left" Derek informed pointing towards the door with his finger, finally his voice had returned but he still couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

"Just great" Meredith sighed sitting back on the edge of the bed "Bitch" she hissed under her breath

Derek chuckled at the endearing expression on her face before joining her on the bed as he sat down on the opposite corner. Meredith's head moved instantly when she heard him chuckle, she felt even more embarrassed then, if that were possible.

"You shouldn't have seen it" Meredith apologized again

"It's ok Mer" he reassured her, but his words didn't convince her, so he tried again "No one has to know" with a wink he made her smile.

After a second of silence he moved the bottle of tequila he had been hiding behind him to rest on his knee "Look who I brought" he said, referring to the brand of her favorite tequila.

Meredith smiled before shaking her head no "I can't drink anymore, we just finished a bottle"

"Come on Mer, this is my last night as a bachelor"

His words saddened her even more. Not wanting to let him see it she smiled and standing up she gave in "Ok, but just one shot"

Meredith looked down at the dress, she was stuck on it and Cristina was gone, the only help she could have now was Derek "Could you help me get out if this dress first?"

Derek looked at her, his eyes swept her entire body, from the hem of the very full skirt of the wedding gown to the golden tresses loose around her shoulders and for much his eyes travelled up and down her body he couldn't stop looking, he couldn't get enough of how beautiful she looked.

"Just leave it on, you look… umm… good, really good on it" he said softly, his cheeks warming with the things that were passing through his head.

Meredith's cheeks turned pink at his words and not seeing any other option she walked out of the room and towards her living room with the skirt of the dress in her hands, keeping it from getting dirty on the floor.

Derek followed after her with hesitation, there was something happening inside of him and he wasn't sure what that was, the entire day he had been mistaking it as nerves from the wedding, but now he was hesitating. Meredith always calmed him but today, the day he needed her to calm him the most she was making him even more nervous, if nerves were what he was suffering from.

"What's on your mind?" Meredith asked as she took 2 shot glasses out of the cocktail cabinet and placed them on the coffee table

Derek simply sighed and leaned back on the couch. Meredith decided to give him a few seconds to think, she poured them both a shot while she waited. Handing it to him Meredith also leaned back on the couch "Come on, spill" she insisted as she popped her feet up the coffee table and crossed them at her ankles, but not before sliding the dress up to rest on her thighs and leaving her legs completely bare.

Before answering Derek downed the shot and sitting up he practically slammed the shot on the table. Meredith gave him a worried look. "Everything is going to change"

She took in his words and thought of an answer, it was obvious things were going to change and she at least hoped he was ready for those changes, apparently not. She poured them both another round of shots before taking a deep breath and answering "Of course things are going to change Derek" she told him, his eyes met hers before she continued "Now you will have to check 'married', you will move in with your wife and you will pay for every single one of her tummy tucks and breast implants"

When Derek didn't laugh or even chuckled she realized he was really worried about this, his eyes hadn't as much as tinkled or lit with amusement at her words. They both knew just how shallow his fiancée was, in fact, Derek had accepted it a very long time ago.

"We are going to change" he said sadly

"We are" she agreed without hesitation, from the day she heard about the wedding she knew she was not only going to lose the man she loved but she was also going to lose her best friend.

"No more movie nights or tequila nights"

"We can still have those nights Derek, they will just be with Liv too" she said, trying to sound as convincing as she could, she knew that would never happen, but she had to lie. "We may suffer on movie night if she has to choose the movie though" she giggled

Derek smiled at her and sat up once again to down his third shot of the night, Meredith on the other hand couldn't even remember how many shots she had. As many as she knew she had they weren't making much effect, and that was because first Christina reminded her of the wedding and asked her about something she did not want to talk about, and now Derek was not only reminding her of the wedding but he was also reminding her she was going to lose her best friend.

She also sat up and taking the bottle in her hand she poured herself another shot. Without leaving the bottle out of reach she downed the shot and poured herself and Derek another.

"I don't want to lose you"

His words stopped her in her tracks, the shot midway to her mouth. She closed her eyes and downed the shot, she needed it if she was going to look at his eyes and promise him something she wasn't sure she could keep.

Turning her head to the side she met his baby blue eyes, they were looking so deeply into hers that it made it even more difficult for her to promise "You won't lose me"

They both knew that was not true, a year into his marriage and their friendship would be gone and long forgotten. Their eyes continued locked for minutes, there was no reason to look so deeply into one another's eyes. He knew she was lying when she was saying he wouldn't lose her and she knew perfectly well he could read her. They just looked into each other's eyes to remember, take in how things were and never forget them. As the seconds passed by their heads leaned in closer, it was just a mere millimeter at a time but in a single minute they both could feel each other's breath fanning their faces.

His eyes moved down to her lips and she instinctively licked them. Hers, opposite to his stayed focused on his eyes. She didn't need to look at his lips, she knew them perfectly well from all those times she had just stared at them as he talked to her, hoping to feel them against hers, dreaming of them kissing her passionately.

Simultaneously, their eyelids slowly closed shut as their heads leaned in. Their lips pressed into one another so slowly and softly they barely noticed the contact. The feeling inside of them was proof that their lips were touching and they, after 4 years of friendship were finally kissing.

Their lips moved away from one another's, just a mere inch, enough for their now opened eyes to gaze into the others. Seconds passed, seconds full of thoughts and questions. When their heads finally leaned in once again it wasn't the rush of the moment, it was something they both thought through and wanted to do.

As their lips pressed into one another's Derek moved in closer to her so he could place his hand on her cheek and caress her soft milky skin and deepen the kiss. His mouth sucked sensuously at her bottom lip, earning a soft moan from deep down her throat. Finding himself enjoying it beyond words he teased her lip with the tip of his tongue, tracing the length of her bottom lip as his mouth sucked on it.

Alternating to her top lip Derek also sucked sensuously at it, but this time instead of tracing the length of her lip he traced the inside of her top lip, from one side to the other, earning a loud whimper from her.

She had been dreaming about that moment for four long years and she could simply not believe Derek was kissing her the way he was doing after so long, after those long years of friendship. She was practically sure it would never happen, but it was, and she was waiting to wake up like in every single dream. When his tongue slipped inside of her mouth everything on her head went away and all she could focus on was on the kiss and how amazing Derek was making her feel, whether it was a dream or not.

Their tongues met in an ardent tango, there was so much passion on his lips, on his kiss. It made her wonder if the man kissing her and the man sliding his hand so slowly and so carefully down her arm were the same. They certainly looked alike, besides the passion on the kiss there was also the same tenderness on his lips as on his hand.

The way he was caressing her arm, so gently, made her shiver. Derek pulled back from the kiss right there and opened his eyes to contemplate her face, her eyes still closed but opening slowly. Her eyes gazed into his and it took them a whole second to go back to one another's lips. Wrapping her arm around Derek's neck Meredith pushed his head further into hers, deepening the kiss at the same time she massaged his skull with her fingernails.

As they continued kissing Derek's hand continued moving down her arm and to her hand. The palm of his hand came in contact with the soft skin of her knee. His hand changed to her leg then and continuing his journey Derek slid his hand up her bare leg just as soft and gently. Meredith took her opportunity then to wrap her other arm around his neck.

Just as his hand was progressing up her leg Derek slowly pushed her down, always following her body and ultimately pressing the entire plane of his body against hers, pressing her back to the couch. His hand, a mere inch away from her panties moved even slower, as if hesitating. Meredith's response to his hesitation was to capture Derek's tongue with her lips and suck sensuously at it, heating up the kiss and their bodies. With a groan from what her mouth was doing to him Derek gripped her panties and pulled down from them.

She pulled back from the kiss and her heavy lidded eyes met the only tone of blue she had never seen, smoky. Pushing his body away from hers she lifted her lower body from the sofa to allow him to take her skimpy underwear off.

Sitting up Meredith, with shaky fingers fumbled with the small buttons of his shirt. Before she could open it up Derek's hands gripped her waist and in a single motion he lifted her up and set her down on his lap, her legs straddling his.

Her lips came crushing down on his for another passionate kiss as his hands fumbled with his belt. Gathering loads of the expensive fabric in her hands Meredith pushed the dress back, exposing her legs and thighs almost completely at the same time it covered Derek's legs. Moving her lips away from his Meredith looked down and undid his belt, gripping the buckle she pulled from it and took it completely off his pants.

Moving his hands to her thighs Derek caressed the extra soft and delicate skin he found there, all the way feeling the warmness coming from just a few inches above. As he continued making her shake under his hands Meredith suckled on his earlobe and scratched his muscled chest, earning a few groans from him.

Her mouth kissed down his neck and continued towards his chest after also licking and sucking at his pulse point, thing he appreciated by the way he squeezed her thighs. He threw his head back when her skillful tongue simply licked his nipple, doing the same with the other Meredith drove him completely wild, he couldn't wait any longer.

Entangling his fingers along her golden curls he pulled her head towards his. His mouth nipped at her lips roughly, hungrily as his hand fought to free his erection from the confines of his pants and boxers.

His arm wrapped around her waist to press her upper body against his. Scooting back to rest his back against the back of the sofa Derek moved Meredith's body with his, not letting her chest move and inch away from his.

With his hard member in his hand Derek teased her moist lips, spreading them apart and barely grazing her clit. Her loud whimper of appreciation encouraged Derek to continue teasing her, but this time focusing on the place he had barely brushed before and the place that made any woman tremble the most.

The way her body trembled on his arms was something that mesmerized him, he couldn't wait to see how much more she would tremble once he was inside of her. And he didn't take long to find that out, positioning the swollen head of his cock at her entrance Derek waited for Meredith to take the next step.

Without hesitation and without waiting as much as a second Meredith lowered herself into him, impaling herself with his hard member. As Derek invaded her body Meredith's head went back and the lowest moan in the form of his name left her mouth "Derek"

It was perfect, not only being inside of her but also hearing her say his name in that tone, it was a mixture of gratitude and satisfaction, and there was something else there he couldn't quite recognize, or maybe he was avoiding recognizing it.

After her body accommodated to his large and thick size Meredith started rocking on him, starting slowly at first but picking up her pace as he continued lavishing her skin with his hands and ravishing her skin with his insatiable mouth.

"God Meredith" he groaned against her neck when Meredith changed her pace and moved back and forth, making his cock rub against the frontal wall of her tight channel, causing her whole body to tremble and also making her walls close down on him

His lips and tongue continued ravaging her neck, but every time he pulled back to change to the other side of her neck her heaving and falling chest would drive him crazy. He wanted to taste the sweetness of her breasts, he wanted to see them, to taste them, to suck on them, and the top of her breasts wasn't enough for him.

With the hand that was still on her back, keeping her upper body pressed up to his Derek slid it up and with a hard and surprisingly fast tug he pulled the zipper all the way down. In the moment Meredith didn't even realized she was finally out of the dress, Derek was doing delicious things with his other hand on her clit.

Pulling back from her neck Derek looked deeply at her eyes and flicked her clit once again. The amazing feeling of his hand mixed with the erotic feeling of seeing him watch her so closely made her cry out in pleasure and within seconds her walls were closing down on him tightly.

As she threw her head back in complete pleasure and utter abandon Derek held her hips steady and guided her movements as wave after wave hit her small body with a force that let her completely exhausted. But Derek wasn't done, he was far from it.

When Meredith threw her head back her chest separated from his, causing the now unzipped dress to slid down and show her perky breasts to his hungry eyes. Before Meredith could come down from the high of her powerful orgasm Derek attacked her breasts, at first gently as he just licked and nipped all around her aureole, but soon and encouraged by her Derek moved to flick her taut nipple again and again, and when she finally begged him with her eyes he suckled on them as his eyes watched hers.

Meredith pressed her lips against his also pressing their chests together. After a second she pulled back a mere inch, and there they stood, breathing into one another, bringing the other to a place they've never experience in their entire lives. Their chest heaved and fell with the pattern of heavy breathing from their lovemaking.

They both knew the other was close, Meredith's walls were closing down on him and Derek's hard member was throbbing painfully inside of her. After a few seconds of rocking from her hips Meredith cried out loudly, coming for the second time around him and bringing him with her to the peak.

Her walls were closing down on him so tightly he couldn't hold it any longer, he had to let himself go and with a satisfied half smile Derek came inside of her, emptying himself inside of the tiny body shaking in his strong arms.

Without opening their eyes Meredith and Derek both leaned in for a soft lingering and wet kiss, the last.

When her eyes opened she saw him, she saw his best friend half naked and holding her "Oh my God" she gasped as she fought to get out of his grasp "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my god" she repeated again and again as she paced back and forth in front of him, her hand holding the dress tightly to her chest and the other on her forehead.

It was not a dream.

"Meredith" Derek called to try calming her, but the only thing that his words did were upsetting her more. She had tears in her eyes and the only thought of him making her cry felt as if someone was squeezing his heart

"What have we done Derek?" she asked with fear in her eyes. Derek tried to reach for her hand but she backed away from him, she couldn't be close to him, she couldn't even look at his eyes "You have to go"

"No, Mer" he tried but she wasn't listening to him

"You're getting married in 9 hours Derek" she reminded him, and also herself

"We need to talk about this Meredith" he tried again, but she didn't even look at him, it was as if he wasn't even talking

"You have to go" she insisted. Her desperate words were more than convincing, but he wanted to talk to her, he needed to figure out what happened and what it all meant.

"Just go" with those last words Meredith left, almost running towards her bedroom. She locked herself on the room and waited for him to go.

After an hour of knocking and waiting outside her room Derek finally decided to do what she asked him, he left. He left with so many questions and doubts and with the worst fear, the fear of losing his best friend.


	3. The One With Her Two Best Friends

__**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters.**

_8 weeks later…_

The piped music of the elevator did nothing to change his mood, it was doing exactly the opposite. Derek was even more nervous and anxious than when he stepped foot into the Big Apple that same morning.

The ride on the metallic box was the longest ride of his life, it was just a 5 floor ride but he could swear an hour passed since the second he stepped foot on the electric machine. The conversation the other occupants on the elevator trapped his attention. Those 2 young boys were heading the same floor, he knew it for the familiar name one of them pronounced, and also for the fact that the 5th floor button was already lighted when he entered the metallic box.

The doors opened and the two young men's conversation ended, only making him more anxious at the idea of facing his fear "Good morning" people greeted him here and there with a broad smile.

Derek stopped before the crystal doors of the entrance and took a good look inside. The office felt really warm to him, the red tone of the walls, despite what anyone else would think were somehow calming, and the crystal walls separating the different offices around the big space made it look really modern, yet homey. You couldn't see exactly what was going on inside of the room for the white and opaque squares adorning the crystal walls, but you could actually see shades of things and persons. The bright Christmas lights and all the black, silver and white ornaments adorning the walls and ceilings, even the Christmas tree on the left corner made him smile, it reminded him of Meredith. She loved Christmas and she specially loved decorating until the last door, wall or table.

"Good morning, this is Yang, Grey and Cole. How may I help you?" he heard a perky blonde say cheerfully to the small receiver on her hand as Derek pushed the crystal door open and headed towards the U-shaped high table of the cheery receptionist. She saw him the same second he stepped foot outside of the elevator, she recognized the scared look on his face and his desperation. Many, for not saying every person that set foot on that office were nervous and desperate for legal counsel. And he was no exception, his eyes weren't focused in one place, he was looking here and there, looking for someone, and by the way he kept fidgeting with the cuffs of his brown leather jacket she could tell that he was nervous, she could almost say he was scared.

"Hi, I am here to see Meredith Grey" he told the blonde receptionist, his eyes focused on her for just a second, the second he needed to tell the girl why he was there. After voicing his reason his eyes continued moving around the room and across the hall on the left, searching for a pair of light green eyes or a glimpse of her dirty blonde hair.

Nothing.

"I'm sorry sir, Miss Grey is not here at the moment" the receptionist told him with a smile, she opened her mouth to offer him a different lawyer but the sound of the phone interrupted her. Putting a finger up she motioned for Derek to wait a second while she attended the call just as cheerfully as before. After a very short conversation she looked up to talk to Derek and found him just as the second he arrived at their office, looking around.

The office was very spacious, it had two wide hallways that joined, making it look more like some kind of an O-shaped hallway. On the left corridor there were at least 5 different offices. They looked just fine, but compared to the ones on the right hallway they looked small. He guessed those were partner's offices, he could make out the name on the crystal nameplate on the office closer to him, 'Robin Cole'. It was definitely the partner's offices. Right in between both corridors there was also offices. Right behind the receptionist's desk there was what he guessed were the assistant's office. Behind that there was the conference room and right behind that was something that could be considered a small kitchen. These 'offices' in the middle were connected with both hallways by 2 doors, one on each side of the room.

"Excuse me Mister…" she called after him

"Shepherd" Derek said looking up at her "Derek Shepherd"

"Mister Shepherd, as I said before Miss Grey is not here at the moment but we have a few other attorneys available"

"I don't need an attorney" Derek explained "I just need to see Meredith"

"Would you like to make an appointment?" she politely asked, it was more of a statement than a question, if she wanted to see Meredith Grey he needed to have an appointment like anybody else. As she asked she pressed the button of the phone that would connect her to Meredith's assistant.

"I'll just wait here" Derek told her, realizing she wasn't getting it Derek stopped her by placing his hand on the phone, ending the call "I will wait in her office" Without waiting a second Derek marched towards the hall, he needed to see Meredith and he needed to see her now. He knew one of those big offices with crystal walls along the right corridor had to be hers.

"Sir!" the blonde receptionist followed after him to try and stop him "You cannot wait there"

Derek could care less about what the perky blonde was telling him. He was going to wait for her on her office no matter what. As he passed the first office he couldn't recognize the name on the nameplate. But he didn't stop to think twice on her name, he just continued to the next office, when her name wasn't on the next door either he continued, nothing could stop him on his search.

"What is it now Sophie?"

The exasperated tone of her boss made Sophie cringe, the last thing she wanted was to make her boss angry, she knew Cristina Yang's mood wasn't the best in the morning, nor that she was in a good mood the rest of the day, but she was slightly more pissed first thing in the morning.

"I'm sorry Miss Yang, but this man wants to wait in Meredith's office. I told him he couldn't but he isn't listening"

Cristina knew it was Derek Shepherd the second her eyes met the back of his head, recognizing him for his hair "Go back to your desk Sophie" she ordered as she looked directly at Derek's back, her eyes shooting daggers at him as he stopped right in front of Meredith's office, his eyes staring at her name on the door.

"Ok" Sophie agreed with her head down. Midway to her desk she stopped and wondered if she should try and maybe make her boss somehow happy with a coffee "Would you like me to get you two a coffee?"

"Tell Mario to, and go back to the phone" Cristina ordered her once again.

"Yes ma'am"

"And it is Miss Grey, not Meredith"

With a defeated sigh Sophie returned to her desk to answer the calls, but not before giving Mario a call and telling him to take Cristina and Derek coffee. Peeking from her desk to the corridor she saw Cristina still right next to her office, she said something to Derek, something Sophie couldn't make out and then Derek walked back to Cristina's office.

Mario had recently joined the firm to cover the position for the newest partner's assistant: Meredith's assistant. He was efficient, smart, fast and above all he was something pretty to look at. It would look confusing to anyone that Cristina Yang would ask for Meredith's assistant to do her own assistant's job, but everyone was used to it. Cristina liked Mario to be her own assistant, but hers was too good to let go, she was beyond efficient, she was practically indispensable. Reason enough for Cristina to not want her as her slave. She did a great job with paperwork and research and getting coffees and lunches was something that would distract her from what she was really good at, that was why she was sharing assistants with Meredith and also probably Robin too, when she returned from her vacation. Everyone wanted Mario.

He started working on those coffees even before he hung up the phone. The smile on his face disappeared when he entered Cristina's office with the coffees at hand and felt the tension in there, the two occupants of the office were completely silent and looking at each other with a not so pleasant look.

"Thank you Mario" Cristina thanked the dark haired young man before dismissing him

There was another round of dead silence and cold looks before either of them even moved to take their coffees.

"What are you doing here Derek?" Cristina asked with a slightly frustrated tone as she stirred the sugar on her coffee.

"I am here to see Meredith" he simply answered before too stirring the sugar on his coffee and taking a long sip. The hot liquid warmed his entire body the second he swallowed it.

"What do you want from her?"

"I want my best friend back" Derek stated as he leaned back on the chair, his demeanor made Cristina think he was challenging her. They were both Meredith's best friends.

Cristina rolled her eyes at him. She couldn't believe the man. He hadn't called or tried to contact her in over 8 weeks and now he was there saying he wanted to see her, no, demanding to see her.

"The woman you call your best friend is not Meredith" Cristina explained, or at least tried. His brow arching in confusion made her continue her explanation "You cannot sincerely tell me the woman you met 4 years ago was the same woman living right under your apartment"

"People change" Derek shrugged it off, he knew Meredith, he knew her perfectly well

"Yes" Cristina agreed "People _do_ change. But that is not what happened to Meredith" After taking another sip of her coffee Cristina continued "Meredith didn't change, the Meredith we have now here is the Meredith I met and the Meredith I grew up with"

"I don't understand" Derek was beyond confused now

"You separated her from her job, her family and her friends. She's been-"

"Wait a second" Derek interrupted Cristina's accusation "I never asked her to come to Seattle with me"

"But you never told her not to" Cristina continued her accusation. It didn't matter who was to blame, and it didn't matter because Cristina knew it was Derek's fault and there was nothing that would make her think otherwise

"She took that decision Cristina, she was a big girl"

"If she was such a big girl, why did it have to be you the one setting her up with that apartment, right downstairs from yours?"

"I didn't want her to be alone" Derek defended his actions again, he wasn't sure why he was defending himself in front of Cristina.

"And what about that job you set her up with? You know what you did to her when you got her that job?" Cristina asked with a tone that was more accurate for someone that was accusing of murder. It was as if she was trying to crack him, attacking him with accusations and questions, doing her lawyer thing, essentially lawyering him.

"It was a great job"

"You know it wasn't" she spat "Not for her"

The two fell in silent for a minute. For the first time they both agreed in something. Derek knew it wasn't a good job for her because Meredith herself once told him, the words 'This is not exactly what I had in mind when I graduated' played on his head.

She was working on a successful law firm when he got the offer from Seattle. But she wasn't happy on that office, being a first year lawyer was usually hard, but for her it was harder. The firm she was working for was one of the best, and by definition a firm that was after money, and they couldn't risk losing any clients, hence they wouldn't risk a first year lawyer lose any of their clients. She was there to do legal research, always with the promise that after a year she would get to go to court with the best lawyers of the firm to observe the best and learn. When he told her he was leaving to Seattle she said she would go with him, she explained to him how unhappy and also impatient to actually practice she was. He didn't need any explanation; he didn't need her to convince him. He simply wanted her at his side so he agreed.

Cristina stood up and walked around the table, sitting down on the corner of her crystal desk she took a deep breath to explain why he was so wrong to think that "Meredith loves court" she started "It was why she went to law school. She dreamed of being right on the middle of the courtroom defending someone's rights, everyone's rights. That was what she always wanted to do"

Derek looked down at his hands, he didn't know that. Meredith never told her about what she wanted to do, and he never asked, he never thought of asking her.

"She's been on that office, settling lawsuits for 3 long years, and for what Derek?" Cristina asked with frustration "You just wanted her close and never thought of what she really wanted"

"She was happy Cristina"

"Maybe she was, but the only reason was hope" Cristina said sadly. All Meredith had in Seattle was hope, the hope of Derek seeing her like a real woman, like a woman that loved him. But when he got engaged all hope dissipated and the only reason Meredith had to stay in Seattle was being right next to her friend and helping him with the wedding, because it was the right thing to do. With a sigh Cristina pushed herself off the table and walked back to her black leather chair.

"What do you mean? What hope?" There it was, he was confused again. It was obvious he was missing something

"She is happy here Derek" Cristina changed the subject before Derek insisted "She has her dream job, she has her friends and she has her family"

_"But I don't have her"_ Is what Derek wanted to say but he knew he would sound selfish. He knew perfectly well he was being selfish, but he couldn't avoid it, he needed Meredith by his side

"What happened that night Derek?" Cristina asked about the night before his wedding when the silence became completely uncomfortable.

Derek felt a sting of pain, Meredith hadn't told her best _girl_ friend the way they had connected like any other time. She never told Cristina that they slept together after she left them alone. _'Was she embarrassed for what happened?' 'Did she regret it?'_ were the questions that kept playing on his head. But on the other hand he never told any of his friends either, not because he regret it but because he wanted to keep it for himself, not as a secret but as a treasure.

"She came to my hotel room that next morning with tears in her eyes. Asked me to get us both a plane ticket for that same day and accepted the offer she had been rejecting for years" she revealed "What kept her there wasn't keeping her anymore"

"I need your help Cris!" came a loud breathless voice from the hallway. They both turned to look at the direction it came, knowing perfectly well who it was.

The sound of her voice tightened his heart. His nerves, anxiety and fear were back now that she was right there. But all he could see was her shadow as she passed Cristina's office and continued to hers.

**I hope I didn't dissapoint. I don't like this update very much but it's something that really needed to happen for things to progress the way they will. You'll get answers soon. Thank you everyone for your amazing comments, specially **McGreysGirl193**, you put a real smile on my face**.


	4. The One With Her New Life

**Thanks everyone for reading and taking the time to let me know your thoughts. I really appreciate it!**

"_I need your help Cris!" came a loud breathless voice from the hallway. They both turned to look at the direction it came, knowing perfectly well who it was._

_The sound of her voice tightened his heart, his nerves, anxiety and fear were back now that she was right there. But all he could see was her shadow as she passed Cristina's office and continued to hers._

He stood up quickly and walked out of Cristina's office without a word and continued down the hall to the last office of the corridor. Stopping right besides the crystal door of her office Derek arranged his clothes before taking a deep breath and stepped inside her spacious office.

The same feeling he had the night before his wedding when he discovered her with the wedding gown, was the feeling that overcame his body when his eyes found her small form. He was left completely speechless, she looked just as beautiful if not more.

One of the things that kept him up the rest of that night he will never forget was the fact that he had never really looked at Meredith, he was so busy with work and finding a new girl to keep him warm for the night he never really looked at Meredith other than with the eyes of a friend. But suddenly, with the fear of losing her forever his eyes opened and when they did he found her completely perfect, beautiful, sexy as hell, beyond funny, smart, caring,… She was everything he ever wanted in a woman, but by the time he realized this it was too late.

He found her different, and it was more than her appearance. He was used to seeing her at the hospital with always black pants, black jacket and a shirt. Now she was wearing a black dress, it was elegant and serious, yet it was also sexy. The black piece of fabric fit her like a glove, showing the perfect curves of her breasts, her slim waist and hips, it ended a few inches above her knee. She was stunning.

Her hair was different too. She'd always wear her hair up in a bun for work and very rarely, when they were out she would let it loose around her shoulders. Today it was just as he liked it the most, in romantic curls and loose around her shoulders.

But what was the more different for him was her demeanor. The tone on her voice was also different, she sounded happy, slightly tired but the timber on her voice was high and she was smiling as she fidgeted with the manila folders on her desk. Her eyes were shining, tinkling even.

His eyes fell upon her lips, covered for a layer of red lipstick, just the memory of their taste was making him warm inside. Noticing her lips were moving Derek decided to focus on what she was saying

".. if he has the data I asked for yesterday"

"He better"

Cristina's voice surprised him and confused him at the same time. Turning to look where the voice came from he found Cristina leaning against a set of shelves with her arms crossed. She pushed herself off the wooden furniture and turned towards the door he'd just used. He wasn't surprised when she sent him yet another death glare.

"How the hell did you get here?" Derek asked with confusion. Cristina was on her office when he left and when he entered Meredith's office she was also there, did she have a twin sister that had the same crappy mood?

"The door?" Cristina asked rhetorically

The door was one of these things you can't see until you know it is there, it was a crystal door that communicated Meredith's office to Cristina's. There was another one in Cristina's office that communicated her office with their other partner's, Robin.

The moment he spoke Meredith's head shot up. She was beyond surprised of seeing him there, standing so close to her and looking as handsome as ever, with a pair of stonewashed jeans, a light blue shirt and a brown leather jacket that made him look more attractive, more sexy than ever. She shook her head to throw the thoughts out of her head, she didn't need them there, not anymore, and especially not at the moment, when she was so busy with work.

"Hi" She tried to sound neutral, try to sound not too happy to see him but also not too annoyed, but her voice failed her miserably "You're in New York" When Derek turned to look at her and his eyes met hers her voice trembled and her words came out as breathless as he always left her.

"Came to see you" he said with a smile, a smile that made her also smile.

"Court" Cristina's voice reminded Meredith of the rush she was in and with a "Right" she looked down at the folders on her desk and continued looking for the right one.

Every two folders she moved from the pile she would look up and lock eyes with Derek for a few seconds, then after a small smile she would go back to the task at hand. Rolling her eyes at Meredith's behavior Cristina left the office to do what Meredith asked her to.

After a small conversation with Mario she went back to the office with Meredith's papers in hand just to find the same scene re-playing on the office. Clearing her throat she made Meredith look at her and with a nod she handed her the pages.

"Can you call Wyatt?" Meredith asked Cristina before she abandoned the room, Cristina turned around with an annoyed expression "Please?" Meredith pleaded "I am late already as it is"

"Fine, whatever" with a huff Cristina agreed to do as asked. Picking up Meredith's phone she dialed a number and waited for an answer as she hopped on the only free space of Meredith's desk

"Who is Wyatt?" Derek didn't like this, not only the fact that there was a guy involved in all this, but also because he had no idea what was going on with Meredith's life at the moment. It was as if she was a complete estranger to him.

"Meredith's boyfriend" Cristina answered with a smug before Meredith could answer as she crossed her legs

"Cristina" Meredith warned her. For much she tried to focus on the folders before her she couldn't, not when she could feel Derek's eyes boring into her.

"Ex-boyfriend" Cristina had to correct, but then added "But boyfriend to be"

"Cristina!" Meredith hissed at her friend. She knew it was all to make Derek mad, and for her there was no reason, Derek was married and could care less about her romantic life. But she still felt the need to reprimand her friend for the lies she was telling, Wyatt was not her boyfriend and he wouldn't be.

"What?" she looked at Meredith innocently "Like I don't know what happened the other day on the back of the ambulance" she teased

Derek looked as Meredith's cheeks turned a shade of red. Something happened with this guy and Meredith on an ambulance and it made his stomach churn. The way Cristina was looking at him wasn't helping at all. She had a smug on her face as she talked with this Wyatt person, telling him Meredith was late for court and if he could come pick her up. Her eyes on Derek, she was doing it on porpoise, with malice. She wanted him to suffer more than Meredith had, double if it was possible.

The blood on his veins was boiling, and not only for what Cristina was doing, but for all the images that kept appearing on his head, all Meredith and this guy could have done in that ambulance. Even the most innocent image of him helping her inside of the ambulance made him taste bile from his stomach.

"He'll be here in a minute" Cristina informed Meredith as she hung up the phone

If she couldn't focus on finding the right folder before now that his eyes were boring into her with even more intensity she had it impossible. Cristina was making him angry, but she couldn't make out why he was angry at Cristina's words, maybe he thought she was trying to replace him with Wyatt, as her best guy friend of course.

"Thank you" she smiled at her friend before sending her off to her office

"I don't have any work to do" The whole situation was getting interesting and she didn't want to miss a thing of what could happen on that room

Meredith looked up at her friend and saw the smirk on her face. Taking one of the manila folders on her desk she shoved it to her friend and colleague "Now you have work"

Derek chuckled; the deep chuckle annoyed Cristina just as much as Cristina's smug annoyed Derek. He was ready to stick his tongue out at her like a kid who had won the fight but the dirty look Cristina sent him prevented him from doing so, but that didn't mean that he didn't felt like he had won.

"Meredith…" It was all he could say when they were alone. He had all the words he wanted to tell her in his mind, he had even memorized them but now that she was in front of him he couldn't remember what he wanted to say.

"I am late for court Derek" she said dryly. Opposite to what happened to Derek, forgetting what he wanted to say, Meredith remembered all she suffered all those years, and specially the past 8 weeks of her life. Yes, she was happy, she had her dream job, she had all her old friends back and she was close to her family again. But for much it all meant to her she couldn't say she was whole, there was something missing in her life, on her heart and that was Derek.

"We need to talk Meredith" he almost pleaded. Her cold words took him completely by surprise, especially for the way she had reacted when she first saw him, she wasn't being cold, she looked surprised and maybe even happy.

"No, we don't" she refused yet again "I am over you Derek"

Her words stunned him. He was definitely not expecting that. She was over him, those were her words, her very clear words, but when had she been into him exactly? She had never said or showed anything that would indicate she was interested in him. Well, until that memorable night. Always she had acted as his friend, as his best friend. "Wait, what?" he asked with complete astonishment

"Derek" she sighed "Just… just go to your wife" Just like Derek Meredith was as astonished at her own revelation. The words just got out, it was the excuse she always put when someone asked him about Derek. It was a reflex action, but it was something she shouldn't have used with Derek.

"Mer, I-"

"You ready?" The deep manly voice interrupted their conversation.

The smile that appeared on Meredith's face didn't went unnoticed by Derek, his jaw clenched at the way this man approached her and the closeness of their bodies as they stood next to each other, but what pissed him off the most was the way he was whispering at her ear. He was making her giggle the way he used to make her giggle. This had to be Wyatt.

The man had dark hair and very light blue eyes, he was wearing a deep blue uniform with a green and very informal t-shirt. The stethoscope around his neck and a radio clipped on his shoulder. The letters "Paramedic" in white on the back of his jacket were the first thing that got Derek's attention. That was why they had been hanging out in an ambulance.

"What did you do to him?" Wyatt asked Meredith with a teasing look, he was referring to Derek. Meredith looked up and at Derek to see what Wyatt was talking about and found pure fire on his eyes "He doesn't seem really happy"

"All the people that get married get that acid face. That's what happened to him, he got married" It was bitter and she regretted it the same second the words came out of her mouth. She looked apologetically at him and he smiled sadly at her, showing her he wasn't mad for her words.

"Doctor Derek Shepherd" Derek introduced himself sticking his hand out for Wyatt to shake. The way he emphasized the doctor part made Meredith sigh. He was trying to make Wyatt feel less of him.

"Wyatt Cole" The handshake was firm and too long for Derek's liking. The only moment he wanted to touch this guy was when he was strangling him. "Paramedic Wyatt Cole"

Meredith would have laughed at the situation. Derek was playing the cocky arrogant surgeon she hated to see in him. She had heard him talk about nurses, interns, paramedics, dermatologists, … as if they were nothing compared to him. It wasn't something he always did, it just happened when he felt threatened. And Wyatt, instead of getting on the game he laughed about it, he laughed at it, at him.

The name of the guy sounded familiar to him, but for much he tried to remember he couldn't quite put a finger on it. But that was until his eyes fell upon one of the folders on Meredith's desk, the logo "Yang, Grey and Cole" in big bold letters. Someone related to him was Meredith's colleague and partner.

"So… you're taking her on your ambulance" Derek trailed off. He knew this was true, but he wanted more, he wanted to know what was happening between them.

"Yes" Wyatt nodded "It is the fastest way to get to court"

Meredith laughed at his remark, it was true, completely true. Every time she was late for court she would call Wyatt and ask him to take her to court on the ambulance. She knew it was illegal, but it was really fun.

"Besides she loves to ride in the back of my rig" Wyatt teased her as he nudged her with his shoulder on hers. Meredith's cheeks turned red once again.

Derek wanted to throw up at his double meaning words. Images of them in the ambulance re-played on his mind, this time they weren't innocent, far from it. He could see Wyatt's lips on Meredith's skin, his hands sliding over her sweaty body, it was killing him. He wanted nothing more than to punch this guy and send him away from Meredith.

"Found it!" Meredith squealed as she held up the manila folder she had been searching for for about 20 minutes.

Wyatt laughed at her enthusiasm and started walking towards the door. Meredith put her things inside of her blue metallic briefcase, closing it with a click she took the briefcase in her hand and followed after Wyatt without as much as looking at Derek.

Derek's eyes followed her as she walked from her desk to the door of her office, where Wyatt was waiting with her coat. He helped her on the black coat before they both turned around and left the office. Her eyes lingered on Derek for a few seconds before heading out the door. She wanted to remember him, because she really thought that after her behavior she wasn't going to see Derek again. _'It is for the_ _best'_ is what she told herself and repeated with every step as she walked the corridor to the elevator, she needed to believe it was true, that having him out of her life was the best thing for her.

"I will be here when you get back"

Derek's words made her stop a couple of feet before the elevator. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't know exactly how she felt.


	5. The One With The TêteàTête

**Once again I don't own the show or the characters**.** Thanks for your wonderful reviews and everyone that's adding this story to their favotires, I really appreciate it!** **Hope you enjoy this update.**

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><p>"What do you think?" Derek held his breath, waiting for a positive answer. He needed it all to look perfect<p>

"Lose the candles"

"You think?" He took another look at the table, it was all perfect, the wine glasses, the plates, the cutlery, the centerpiece with white and red roses and of course the red candles. Sophie, also agreed with his sister. The candles were a bit too much.

After waiting for 2 hours on her office without any idea of what to do to make Meredith listen to him Derek decided to ask a woman for her opinion. He left her office and looked around, of course he couldn't find anyone familiar, he knew no one. He caught a glimpse of Sophie and decided to ask her. She didn't really know her but at least they knew one another's names, it was something. When he reached her desk he found something, or rather someone he had never thought he would find there: his sister.

He practically yelled at his little sister when she revealed she had been working there for around 7 weeks, around the same time he had been searching, like a crazy man, for Meredith. Turned out Meredith had been the one hiring her the first week she joined the firm. Tess had just graduated and was working for the same firm Meredith had been working when she first graduated. In a meeting with her client at that other firm Meredith had crashed into Tess. They had gone for lunch that day, and exactly that same day Meredith offered her a job at Yang, Grey and Cole. She started the next day and at the first mention of Derek's name Meredith practically forbade her to say his name again, she wouldn't let her talk about him, not one single time.

When he finished yelling at her sister, the 3 of them, Derek, Sophie and Tess started thinking on what to do to make her listen to him. Derek was more thinking on what to say to her than how and when, he specially wanted to ask her was what this thing about her being over him was. Meredith didn't quite look too willing to listen to what he had to say. That's why they decided on having her lunch ready for when she came back to the office. Meredith had to eat at some point and while she ate he could talk. He asked Sophie about Meredith's habits for lunch and he found out that Meredith always came back to the office and have delivered food from her favorite restaurant, ordering dessert on the days the session at court wasn't as well as she hoped for.

Sophie and Tess recommended him to order dessert, and a lot. Meredith's case wasn't going as they wanted, and the day would most likely be hard for her.

"You're pushing it Derek" Tess told him when he continued thinking about it. "It is for lunch, there's a lot of light coming from the window and she will think it is some lame romantic lunch date"

"Oh"

"Is this a romantic lunch date?" Tess asked with a little bit of amusement in her voice. He was immensely nervous and after her words Derek started a battle on his head, he wasn't sure if he wanted Meredith to think this was a romantic lunch or a simple lunch where they could talk. Not until he knew if she was really into him in the past and if it was true she was over him.

"No! Of course not!" He lied, and she noticed it, he had always been a bad liar.

"The food will be here in a few minutes" Sophie informed him as she changed the subject, trying to give him a break, Derek was nervous enough as it was. They decided to leave him all alone, taking the candles with her Sophie smiled politely at Derek and left Meredith's office. With a hug Tess followed after Sophie, Derek needed time to calm down and think all alone.

But she couldn't give him much time because when she reached Sophie's desk the delivery guy brought them the food. She helped Derek serve the Italian food on the plates and give the finish touches to their lunch.

"I can't believe you've been working here for almost 2 months and I just found out"

"Don't start Derek" Tess warned

"No, I am just curious as to why the rest of the family didn't tell me you were working, here or elsewhere" He had always been really close to his family and when he left for Seattle he thought they would lose touch. It was the contrary; he had conversations with her sisters every single day, except with Tess. She had always been the independent of the family.

"They don't know" she explained matter-of-factly. As if not telling your family you graduated and are now working was the most normal thing.

"Why doesn't it surprise me?" Derek laughed as he shook his head, his little sister, always the same.

"I was waiting until Christmas" Tess shrugged "Maybe say it as a present for mom and dad? They don't have to help with my rent anymore"

Derek laughed at her little sister's antics. It calmed him, she calmed him. She always had. In the 4 years he had spent in Seattle he had talked on the phone with his little sister no more than 8 times. And those eight conversations had occurred thanks to their mother. Every Thanksgiving and every Christmas she would call Derek and make every single member of the family talk to Derek, at least a few minutes.

He missed her. He missed them all, but specially his sisters. They had been always really close, even with Meredith, especially with Meredith. Her older sister's bridesmaid had been Meredith. They were practically best friends with her, and continued in touch when Meredith left for Seattle with him.

"Do you know who this Wyatt is?" Derek finally asked. The question had been on his tongue since the second he discovered her sister working with Meredith. Tess had to know something, if not everything.

"I know he was her boyfriend back when they were in college, but that is it" she told her brother as she finished serving the food on the plates "There's a lot of history there but I never felt like asking"

Derek sighed. He really hoped to have a 'mole' inside her office, but Tess knew nothing. It bothered him beyond words not knowing about it, and not only about Wyatt but about the rest, 'who was this other partner of hers?', 'was this other partner somehow related to Wyatt Cole?', 'where was Meredith living?', 'how and why had she decided to leave Seattle and start working with Cristina?', 'why had every member of her family and even friends lied to him about her whereabouts?', 'what had happened on the back of that ambulance?' and most importantly, 'was he too late?'.

Sophie was gossiping about Meredith and Derek to Mario when she saw, from her position at the end of the hallway, Meredith step out of the elevator. She pushed herself quickly off the filling cabinet she had been leaning against and marched towards the entrance as fast as she could, but always avoiding going too fast in case someone thought something was going on. Passing by Meredith's office she whispered "She's here" to the nervous wreck inside the office and his sister.

"I'm sorry Jeremy" Meredith apologized sadly at her client as they both walked the hall to her office

"Good afternoon Miss Grey" Sophie greeted her with a smile as she passed by her and the young man

"Meredith please, Sophie" Between Cristina and Meredith Sophie was going crazy. One wanted her to call them by their first name, the other by their last name. She was already scared of meeting Robin Cole, the other partner. She was currently on vacation and she hadn't met her yet. Hopefully she didn't ask her to call her by both names.

"So, this is it, I will be their prisoner?"

Meredith didn't know what to tell her young client. From the beginning she made perfectly clear that it would be hard to win. But she couldn't kill his hope. She couldn't tell him that he would most likely lose basically all his rights.

"Maybe we should try to talk to your mother and make her understand, maybe she is willing to stop this before it is too late" It was the only thing Meredith could think of, and it was not only that, it also was what she would recommend to him.

"She will never change her mind"

Meredith sighed, she needed to help this kid in any way. Pushing the door of her office open she went through all the possibilities in her head, until… her eyes clashed with Derek's.

"I was just leaving" Tess said with a little bit of fear in her voice. She hadn't thought about it but maybe Meredith was thinking she had been the one telling Derek where she was.

"Tess"

It was certainly not the greeting she was expecting. Meredith gave her a 'we need to talk' look as Tess passed by her and her client.

During the time she was at court with her client Meredith completely forgot about Derek. Everything on her mind was work and the idea of not failing her client and let him down. But now Derek was there, on her office, right in front of her and not only that, he was also looking at her hopefully. He looked determined to talk to her and she, for much she tried was never able to say no to him. The eight weeks that passed since the last time she saw him were enough to start forgetting him but surely not enough to become immune to his charms.

She had to look away not to send all the progress she made over those 8 weeks without seeing him directly to hell. And right there was when she saw the table, one of the tables from their kitchen, with the food and the centerpiece with roses. The idea, if it had been weeks ago would have wooed her, but at the moment, knowing he was a married man it only annoyed and even hurt her.

"What's all this?"

The cold tone on her voice made him flinch, he was expecting anything but that cold and indifferent tone. Choosing his words very carefully Derek threw a "Just a little tête-à-tête?"

"Fine" Her only word made him release the air he had been holding, until she opened her mouth again to say, without looking at him "Don't forget to close the door when you leave"

She was being harsh, cold and rude, and she knew it. But she had to be like that to make him go away. She couldn't have him in her life, not if he was only interested in their friendship. Four years of suffering were enough for her, she was done. It was a real relationship or it wasn't anything at all. And she knew that could never happen, he was married and she would never be the other woman.

"What?"

"Thank you for preparing this tête-à-tête for me and my client"

"Ok" he agreed, defeated but he did so, he walked to the door and pushed it open, before leaving he made perfectly clear he wasn't going to leave before talking to her "I will be having lunch with Tess"

The day was supposed to be hard enough as it was for Meredith. She knew she would need to fight like hell at court and it had been a day she had been dreading for the past week. But Derek's 'visit' was making it even harder. She couldn't concentrate, she couldn't think about anything else but him, what he wanted to tell her, why he was there. Those were things she wanted to know but things she didn't want to hear from him. She couldn't get her hopes up no matter what, or this time she wouldn't make it.

"Are you hungry Jeremy?" she asked her client as she forked a piece of ravioli and brought it to her mouth. She was starving, the single coffee she had drank for breakfast wasn't nearly enough to maintain her the whole morning.

"Not really" The sad tone of his voice made Meredith feel even worse, if that were even possible. "I think I am just going to go walk around. Enjoy my last day of freedom"

It broke her heart. She couldn't tell him he was mistaken, because she really thought they were going to lose and this would certainly be the last day he would be able to simply walk around and do whatever he wanted, alone.

"It's not over, we can keep fighting, ok?"

"Yeah, ok"

His defeated form left her office and she, she wasn't even hungry anymore. And on top of everything else her head was about to explode. She let out a long tired sigh as she took her coat off and threw it to one of the chairs. With yet another long and tired sigh she collapsed on her leather chair and brought her feet up the table, she leaned back and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind for a moment and think about something to help poor Jeremy.

Seeing Meredith's client leave Derek made a run for it and in mere seconds he was back on her office door. For the second time that day he stopped right there to take a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

She heard him even before he pushed the door open. "I cannot talk right now Derek" she told him with the lowest and most tired voice he'd ever hear.

"Bad day?"

"You could say that" She opened her right eye to look at him, and the mere contact with his eyes made her calm down. That ocean of blue did wonders on her.

"The case isn't going as good?"

"Yeah" Meredith sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed. She had to close them and stop looking at him. As much as his eyes calmed her they also made her heart ache. "I don't know what to do to help him" she murmured, more to herself than to Derek.

"Why don't you tell me about it? Maybe as you tell me what is all about you will get any ideas" he suggested. As much as he tried not to sound too hopeful his voice failed him. He needed her to trust him again, to see him as her friend. She was shutting him up time after time, and this was the only way she would let him talk to her.

"I don't know" She wanted, she desperately wanted to talk to him like they always used to do. But she didn't know if she could spend hours with him without falling all over again. Nor that she wasn't in love with him anymore, she was. But falling for him again would mean having hope. The same hope she lived with for 4 long years and never materialized.

"Come on" he insisted again "We can talk as we eat"

He saw the hesitation in her again and before she decided on a categorical no he walked around the table, placed his hands on the back of her leather chair and pushed her towards the table he and Tess had previously set up.

She couldn't say no to the food, she was pretty much starving. And truth be told she needed the help with the case. So she caved and returned the smile when he smiled at her. Her first mistake, she was letting her guard down.

"Ok, tell me about it" he asked her as he poured them both the wine.

"His name is Jeremy" she started before taking a long sip of the rich wine. She took a second to savor it. When she opened her eyes she found him looking at her with a smile. For the second time that day she smiled back.

Deep down she knew she was screwed that same second but she tried to deny it. 'It couldn't have been that fast' she thought to herself. But it was obvious it had, and to discover that you only had to look at the way she was looking at him.

"He is terribly sick" she continued telling him with sadness "He has a brain tumor, it is inoperable"

"I've seen lots of inoperable tumors and I've helped remove some of them, maybe if I.." he offered with all the greatness in his heart but she interrupted him before he could finish his offer

"He's seen like 5 different specialists. They all gave him a dead sentence. He has only 3 months"

She sounded so sad and so desperate at the same time he wanted to do something, anything to help her. He wanted to reach out and hug her until all that sadness was out of her, but he couldn't, all he could do was listen, and as useless it made him feel it helped her think.

"He tried to kill himself 2 months ago, but her mother found him. He recovered but one day while he was talking on the phone with a friend her mother listened to him say he would try it again" She took a break to take another long sip of the wine and then continued explaining "She believes he's a threat to himself so she is trying to declare him incompetent so she can control him and keep him home…"

"… where she can keep him safe" Derek finished for her.

"Yeah" she nodded as she delicately wiped the rest of the food off her mouth "I understand her, I really do. She loves her son and she wants to be with him as long as possible. She's had it just 18 years"

"But…"

"But I also understand him, he has 3 painful months left. He's suffered enough with all the chemo. Now the tumor has grown and he doesn't want to suffer. He doesn't want his family and friends to see him confined to a bed. See him die day by day"

"You're aware that he will try to end his life again, right?"

"I know, he even told the psychiatrist for the evaluation. But I don't respect that decision either. I just… he's gonna suffer so much, and the fact that his mother is going to have complete power over him…"

"She will be able to take all of the decisions, medical decisions"

"She is already thinking on putting him up on some trial, it's still on the first stages and they don't guarantee them anything, and he will be heavily medicated. He won't be himself, and that is what scares him the most"

"Have you tried talking with the mother?" Derek asked as he finished up his food

"It was the first thing I did, but she didn't even listened to me, she practically closed the door on my face" Meredith told him a little bit frustrated as she finished the last of her wine, her food was too gone "I want to try again, but Jeremy says it wouldn't do a thing"

"Well…" Derek trailed off standing up to clear the table "He knows her mother better than you do"

"I know" she sighed "That's why I haven't tried again"

If it were possible Meredith felt even more frustrated. Telling Derek all about it hadn't done a thing, she was back at the beginning: having no clue as to how to help her client.

"I'll be right back with dessert" Derek said softly when she fell silent, he smiled at her before taking their dirty plates with him.

On his way to the kitchen Derek found his sister talking with Mario, Meredith's assistant, Tess quickly jumped off the table to join her brother.

"How's it going?" Tess asked curiously. She had a pretty good idea of how things were going, the smile on his face was enough to tell his mood.

"It's going good so far" Tess smiled at his words. She was really happy her brother was doing progress with Meredith. For the little she knew Meredith was extremely mad at him, she had no idea what that was about, but she knew she was hurt and that at the mere mention of his name her face and demeanor would completely change.

"We are talking about her client, it is not much but at least we are talking"

"She'll come around" his sister encouraged him

Derek took the little plastic container with the delicate dessert out of the fridge and giving his sister a small kiss on the cheek he left with a smile on his face. He placed it right in front of her and then walked a few feet to her crystal desk so he could lean on it and watch her.

Meredith dag in with a little bit of hesitation, Derek's eyes on her were making her very nervous. She was taking a small spoonful inside of her mouth when Derek took a deep breath.

"You know…" he trailed off folding his arms across his chest "Women don't really listen when what's been said isn't what they want to hear"

Meredith almost chocked on the sweet tiramisu on her mouth. She gave him the nastiest look she's ever given anyone. She swallowed the rest of the sweet dessert on her mouth quickly to answer his remark but before she could he spoke again to explain his words.

"Does Jeremy's mom know the reasons of him trying to commit suicide?" he asked Meredith. At his words Meredith completely forgot about the chauvinist comment and wondered if Jeremy had ever told his mom he didn't want to make his friends and family watch him die slowly and painfully "I would guess she doesn't know. A mother never wants to hear those kinds of things, and I don't think she ever thought about what he is really feeling. She is just focusing on keeping him alive without knowing she is hurting him by doing so"

"She needs to listen to what he has to say" It finally downed on her. She always believed her mother knew what her son was going through, what he was feeling and what his fears were. But as a mother she was just trying to hang on to him without thinking.

"He said she wouldn't listen" Derek reminded her

"I know. The judge is very touchy with this situation and he only made Jeremy a few questions because he didn't really want to hear him say he wanted to die. But if I ask the judge to listen what he has to say before ruling she will have to listen" She felt stupid for not thinking about it before, of course the judge hadn't even asked to hear the entire story because after all everyone knew he would try to end his life again and no one wanted to hear that, especially when the own judge had gone though a similar scenario. But his reasons to commit such an act were important, not to win the case but make her mother understand she shouldn't have complete control of the little time he had, it was his right to decide how to spend the few months he had left.

"That is a good idea" Derek said with a bright smile. He was just smiling because she also was. Her frustration, tiredness and sadness were suddenly gone and she was smiling brightly in between small spoonfuls of her dessert.

"You're a lawyer" he pointed out, it was more to himself than to anyone else. It was something more than obvious but in that moment it downed on him that she was a real lawyer now. She smiled even more brightly then, making him understand why Cristina was blaming him for letting her go with him. Meredith really loved practicing and for the first time he could see it.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked, almost begged.

Her demeanor changed immediately, she didn't answer but her eyes focused on his and he took it as a positive answer.

"Who's Wyatt?" he asked carefully. For her reaction when he told her he wanted to ask her something he knew she wasn't really willing to answer everything, probably anything. She was closing down again, shutting him out.

Meredith sighed and for a few seconds she wondered if she should answer his question. Derek was, for some reason she didn't understood, really jealous of Wyatt, and if she told him Wyatt had been someone really special for her it would be even worse. After looking him in the eye she decided to answer it, after all Derek was the one that helped him get over Wyatt without knowing.

"I met him on my first college party" Meredith told him "A week later I discovered he was my roommate's brother. Robin's brother, my other partner" she explained. Derek nodded; he finally understood who her partner was and why she and Wyatt had the same name. "He asked me out and after that first date everything just went really smooth. We were really serious, I really loved him"

Her last words were like a needle going straight through his heart. She had loved him, and when once there was love…, it remains forever. It scared him, the thought of Meredith in love with that man hurt and scared him.

"He loved playing poker. But it was more than a hobby for him" she sighed, the memories made her still sad "At one point he owed money to almost every guy in campus. I tried to look the other way when he came to my dorm with black eyes and broken arms. But one day it became too much for me, when I opened the door of my room I saw him right there, laying on the floor covered in blood and bruises. He had several ribs and fingers broken, he had a concussion. He was really bad and…"

"What happened?" he asked, trying to encourage her to finish telling him what happened with her and Wyatt. He didn't like the fact that she was tearing up, but he had no other choice than to let it go.

"I broke up with him the next day. It was one of the hardest and most miserable things I've ever done. I wanted to wait for him to get out of the hospital but I... I loved him very much and the idea of losing him to a stupid game was… it was stupid. I didn't want to spend every night for the rest of my life hoping he wouldn't have gotten killed that night"

"It must have been really hard"

"It was" she agreed "But a couple of weeks later I met you. I changed my routine completely so I wouldn't have to see him, that's why I bumped into you"

Her smile made him also smile. For a moment he got scared for the way she was talking about Wyatt, but the smile on her face when she talked about the day they met calmed him.

"Thanks to you I got over him"

"And thanks to you I got over my ex too" he reminded her. Meredith already knew about Derek and Amy and their torrid relationship, but this was the first time he heard about Wyatt "How come you never told me about him?"

"At first it was too hard" she admitted "And when I finally got over him I just didn't see the point"

He remembered the day she crashed into him on the steps of the library as if it had been yesterday. From the very first second they just clicked. They were both hurt and in need of moving on, of forgetting about their previous relationships. They talked and became friends really soon. And it was exactly that why they never became more than friends, if it had happened it would have happened at the beginning, when they weren't real friends. But during that beginning they were both just hurt and not looking for any relationship. When Meredith realized she had feelings for him they were best friends and only that. Derek started dating girl after girl and Meredith just watched from the far for years.

The pair fell silent, they both just thought, with smiles on their faces, about the day they met, about their great friendship. After a few minutes Meredith realized the time and decided to busy herself with something before she told Derek something else. She just had 15 minutes to go back to court. If she could remain silent and immune to his charms she was saved. Standing up she walked to her desk and once again she started moving folders around, at first looking for the files she needed for the next day and when she found them she just continued moving them around to keep herself busy.

"Can I ask what happened on the ambulance?" It took him a lot of time to decide to ask. It wasn't really probable that she would tell him the truth but he had to at least ask.

As he thought she didn't answer, she simply gave him a look and continued moving folders around. He couldn't quite make out what her look meant. He couldn't read her at the moment.

"Are you two back together?"

He held his breathe as he waited for her response. This he needed to know, he could live without knowing what happened on that ambulance, especially if something happened. But he needed to know if they were back or if there was a chance of them getting back together.

Before she had the time to answer there was a knock at the door. She let out a breath of relief, something that Derek noticed instantly. The door opened and in went Mario, her assistant, with a pile of papers on his hand.

"Sorry to interrupt" Mario apologized before fully entering the office. He handed the papers to Meredith "Karen said to apologize for the delay. She also said there's not a single precedent that would help you win with this judge, but in the first two there are a few things that could perhaps work"

"Thanks Mario" Meredith thanked him with a warm smile.

Now she had something to busy herself with. Sitting on her leather chair once again she focused on the papers on her hand. It was something important for her case so it didn't took much for her to forget all around her and completely drown herself on the sentences.

As she read Derek just stared, and for some reason he couldn't stop. Every movement, from the gentle swifts of her wrist as she turned pages to the sexy movement of her bare legs as she crossed them, enthralled him. Who could think a single act could change so many things. If they hadn't kissed and then continued he would have never lost her, then followed after her to finally discover she had feelings for him when he was just seeing her as a friend.

"Can you please stop?" As concentrated on the sentences as she was she couldn't stop noticing his deep stare on her, especially when his eyes lingered on her body. The room was getting hotter by the second.

"Stop what?"He asked with a smirk. Suddenly he was feeling so much more confident. For the way she was reacting to his stare she was far from being over him. He still had to push some more to find out how did she exactly felt before. But by the rosy blush on her cheeks and the fact that she couldn't hold his gaze for more than 2 seconds it had been more than a simple crush.

She looked up to give him a warning look and then went back to her papers. He continued staring at her, making her feel even more uncomfortable with his boldness. The minute she felt his eyes lingering on her bare legs and the way the dress would slid up her legs every time she moved them she started pulling from it to cover them.

When he wouldn't stop she stood up, anything to stop his stare on her legs. That move made him smile even wider. He first ignored her and proceeded to look around her office, watching the pictures of her family and friends and when he saw she was completely distracted he approached her from behind.

The hairs of the back of her head stood on end when she felt the warmth of his body behind her. They weren't touching but his body was close enough for her body to tremble with his body heat.

"Isn't it time for you to get going to court?" he whispered hotly right behind her ear, making her body shake one more time.

"Y-yes" she stuttered after taking a quick look at her wrist watch. It wasn't time but she _had_to get out of there. A long walk throughout the city would help her body to it's natural temperature.

She rushed to the other side of the desk to stock the papers on her hand with the rest of the papers inside her briefcase. Deciding not to put her coat on, it was still too hot in there, she simply picked it up and without giving Derek a look: it would make her temperature rise a few more degrees, she walked out of her office and down the hall.

Halfway to the elevator she felt him right behind her. He almost bumped into her when she stopped abruptly and turned around to face him, with her hand on her hip she looked at him, frustration written all over her face. "Where do you think you are going?"

"Out" he simply answered with a smirk. She narrowed her eyes at him so he continued "I've been all day in this office, I thought it would be nice to walk with you to court"

She knew he was determined to, no matter how many times she said no he would insist and finally convince her and walk her to court. As soon as she saw Tess walking past them with a smile she grabbed onto her arm and pulled from her "You're coming to court"

"Cristina just called me in her office. She said it was important" Tess said as she tried to get Meredith to release her arm

"I need you for something more important" Meredith insisted, she had dragged Tess inside the elevator already, she had no other choice than to accompany her and Derek.


	6. The One On The Nile

**Sorry it took me so long in updating, hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

* * *

><p>Tess looked from one to the other as they rode the elevator. Meredith had a worried expression and Derek was smiling broadly, somehow the roles had changed.<p>

"It's really nice out" Tess pointed out. It was so uncomfortable being there, in between the two of them as they walked down the street. The expressions on their faces hadn't changed, he was still smiling and she was still worried.

Derek looked down at her and nodded with a smile. He saw Meredith's expression then and decided to push it a little further, changing places with Tess he moved to walk in the middle of both females and took their arms in his.

Meredith smiled nervously at him but to his satisfaction she didn't pull back, not at first at least. At his other side Tess just observed them with amusement. After a moment Meredith changed her briefcase from hands, effectively pulling away from him.

Derek released his sister's arm and took Meredith's briefcase from her. He knew Meredith was reluctant to have him touch her, so instead of taking her hand in his as he so much desired to he simply let his hand loose.

As they walked the back of their hands touched continuously. For much her face didn't show it he knew she liked it, proof of that was the fact that she wasn't moving away from him. He was enjoying it too, but he wanted more, so much more than that simple touch but he would take whatever he could get. It wasn't for more than a second but their hands entangled just before they arrived at court.

He watched her go into lawyer mode with a radiant smile, he was so proud of her, of who she was. He sat back and just watched her get ready for action. As minutes passed by her confident face changed to worry, she checked her wrist watch at least 20 times in only 10 minutes and looked back at Tess even more times, something was wrong. Derek leaned in to ask Tess what was happening.

"Her client is late, he should have been here 30 minutes ago"

Everyone on the room became really impatient at one point, specially the judge. Meredith tried to calm everyone, saying Jeremy was on his way and that he would be there in a few minutes even though she wasn't sure of it.

She tried to call a dozen times but there was no answer, right when she was about to give up her cell phone started vibrating on the table, with a quick excuse to the judge she picked it up. Derek watched as the color on her face changed to match the white on the walls, tears welled up on her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Well Miss Grey?" the scary looking judge insisted yet once again

Meredith ended the call before she stood up slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, to say whatever was the problem but her voice failed her. Derek looked at Tess with worry but she simply shrugged, she had no idea what was going on either.

"Ther- The-" Meredith tried with a shaky voice "I… I'm afraid…"

"What's going on Miss Grey?" the judge insisted, he wasn't the least bit worried about Meredith's pale face and tears, in fact he looked more annoyed than anything. He just needed this case to be over.

"They… They've just found…" she trailed off as she changed her focus to the lady sitting at the far end of the desk right next to hers "Jeremy is dead"

There was a loud scream followed by sobs, Jeremy's mother was inconsolable.

Derek looked at Meredith with worry, she was staring at the poor crying woman but she wasn't blinking, her face was still pale and tears streamed down her face like a fountain. Not even the loud thump of the gavel made her blink, yes she jumped with the loud noise as the judge said with sadness on his voice "I guess we're adjourned then" but she never reacted.

She was in a trance, and the more time passed the more worried he became. He rushed to her side and was about to pull her against his chest when Meredith's eyes shot up and met his. The emptiness on her eyes worried him even further.

"I have to see him"

"Ok" Derek smiled sadly at her as he placed his hand on the back of her back and guided her outside.

"I'll take her" Derek told his sister as she followed behind them with Meredith's briefcase "You go back to the office and tell Cristina what happened"

Derek took her to the morgue. She was just as absent and as shocked, especially when Jeremy's mother was in the same room. Derek had a feeling of what was going through Meredith's head, she was feeling guilty. He wanted to talk to her, explain to her that it wasn't her fault but it was never the time. Every second that passed Derek felt worse, he couldn't see her suffering that much.

As the day finished Meredith's head started clearing, it helped that Jeremy's mother wasn't there anymore, her eyes looking at Meredith with hurt and deceit.

He helped her on a cab, climbing in right after her. The second the cab driver looked back with curiosity, as to why they weren't giving him their destination, Derek realized he had no idea where she lived. He looked at her and was about to ask her for an address when he realized he couldn't leave her like that, no matter what.

"Mayflower hotel please" Derek finally directed the driver, who simply nodded and put the car on drive.

Derek pulled Meredith closer to him, bringing her head down to rest on his shoulder. Derek had never been as close to Meredith as he was now, as he had been that entire day. For much it hurt him to see her like that he also felt lucky to be so close to her, when just two days ago he had no idea where she even was.

"Mer?" Derek whispered when the car came to a halt, they were at his hotel "Do you want to come up with me?"

She blinked twice before looking up and telling him "I'll wait right here" She was so tired and so drained she didn't even want to move.

"I'll be back in a few minutes" he told her softly before pressing his lips against her warm forehead, kissing her softly.

"I'll be back, just wait here" he ordered the driver before closing the door shut and rushing towards the entrance of the hotel.

"The meter is still running" the driver muttered with a shrug.

Meredith was so lost she hadn't even asked why he was going to his hotel, or why she had to wait there for him. She just sat there and followed his form inside of the hotel.

In record time Derek had everything packed on his suitcase and was outside the elevator, ready to check out of the hotel and join Meredith on the cab. He tapped the key card against the counter impatiently as he waited to be attended, the thought of simply leaving and checking out another day crossed his mind. He didn't want to leave Meredith alone for much longer, she needed him. And he needed her.

"Checking out" he mumbled as he pushed the car key towards the uniformed man behind the counter.

"Very good sir" with a smile the young man did all the arrangements as fast as Derek hoped for.

When he opened the car door Meredith was right on the same place, but there was something different about her. She was holding her cell phone, more like hanging onto it for dear life; her knuckles were white from the tight grip she had on the vibrating cell phone.

As Derek sat down next to her Meredith looked up "It's Wyatt" she said, fear evident on her voice.

Derek barely knew anything about what had happened that day. What he did know was that Wyatt had been the one finding Jeremy's body, but he had no idea what had really happened, he didn't ask and as far as he knew Meredith didn't either.

"Let me take it" Derek offered given Meredith simply stared at the small silver object on her hands. He could tell she was afraid to know, to learn it was exactly what she thought, a suicide.

"Meredith's phone" he answered the small device as he looked at Meredith's eyes. She was looking right back at him with fear but there was a hint of hope hidden behind those beautiful emerald eyes of her.

"Who is this?" Wyatt asked on the other end with confusion, he was expecting to hear Meredith's sweet voice instead of a deep manly voice

"It's Derek, Derek Shepherd" answered Derek with a little bit of frustration, if Wyatt was calling why in the world did he have to be the one identifying?

"Oh" Wyatt replied, not sounding too excited

"Look" Derek sighed running his hand though the thick locks of his hair, his concerned eyes never leaving Meredith "She is in no state of talking to anyone. You better call later, perhaps tomorrow" Derek suggested and by the look Meredith gave him she agreed with his words

"Ok" Wyatt reluctantly agreed "Wait!" he quickly said when Derek said a quick goodbye "Tell her it wasn't a suicide, that will make her feel better"

"It wasn't?" Derek asked with hope, this was good. Not good for poor Jeremy but good for Meredith, this would make her feel better, it would make part of the guilt to leave her right now troubled mind.

"I knew who he was the moment I saw him and the first thing that came to mind was that he had jumped in front of the bus but I talked to a few witnesses and they all agreed he didn't jump. The light was in amber, about to change but the bus didn't stop, Jeremy had his earphones on and he didn't hear anyone warning him" Wyatt told him sadly "They are checking the bus driver, they think he had been drinking and was over the limit"

"Ok. Thanks for letting us know" Derek thanked him. The word 'us' had slipped from his mouth without a thought but when he heard it he knew it was what he needed to say, show this other guy Meredith and him were an us and that he wasn't a part of it.

"Tell her I will call first thing in the morning"

"I will" with those words Derek pressed the button to end the conversation. He handed the small device to a still very worried Meredith. Her big green eyes stared back at him with a mixture of hope and guilt. She was hanging to both feelings until she knew what had really happened with her young client. But before he told her everything Derek asked for an address for the cab driver to take them to.

Thankful for finally having a destination the driver put the car in drive and maneuvered the yellow cab through the busy streets of the city while the two occupants on the back remained silent.

He wanted to tell her everything so she would stop hurting but his own feelings were stopping him. She was leaning against his body, her head resting on his shoulder while his hand caressed the soft petal skin of her arm back and forth. He could smell the flowery smell of her hair; feel the heat radiating from her body and if he said a word he knew the moment would end. It was completely selfish, he knew that and knowing that he still couldn't bring himself to break the moment.

Years before, months before he would not had a repair on breaking the embrace. And he was beating himself over that. He had been so blind before, so stupid as to not have seen her the way he could see her now.

"What did he say?" Meredith broke the silence, her voice shaky and fearful. She looked up to meet his eyes but didn't pull back from his body, instead she moved even closer, her hand fisted his blue shirt, preparing herself for whatever he was going to say.

"It was an accident Mer" he told her softly and couldn't help but smile when she let out a huge breath of relieve. Some of the worry and guilt she had been carrying around the entire day dissipated from her face and when he looked at her eyes he could see a glimpse of the Meredith of hours ago. Her brow wasn't furrowed any longer and he was sure the head ache was long gone.

It was something he had learned over the years. You could tell when she had a headache just by looking at her face, two deep lines would appear in between her eyebrows. It was the only way she'd get them.

"I feel relieved" she confessed with embarrassment "I know I shouldn't, but…"

"I understand what you are feeling" he sympathized with what she was thinking about "He is free now"

"Yeah" she whispered "No more chemo, no more tumor"

"No more pain"

She sighed and rested her head further on his shoulder. It felt so good to be right there, being held by him, having his strong arm around her, his masculine scent around her, his lips pressing against her head when they weren't talking. But it was so incredibly wrong.

Her brain screamed for her to pull back and move as far away as she could, but he made her feel so good in such a difficult moment that she let it go for the time being. It was an excuse to be close to him and she knew it but right now she was not in a cab in New York, she was swimming in the Nile.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" she asked, her eyes looking up at him through her long eyelashes. He frowned for the random and strange question and she elaborated "For being relieved that he is… free now"

"You're not a bad person" he answered her question without taking a second, his words reassuring her "This is what he wanted all along"

"It is" she agreed "But it's wrong that I feel like this"

"It's not wrong" he told her. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and looking up she gave him a tiny thankful smile. One he appreciated but felt the need to continue and make her understand her feelings weren't wrong or bad in any way.

He sighed, he didn't want to let her off his arms but he needed her to look him straight in the eye when he reassured her she wasn't feeling anything wrong. He moved a little to his left and she shifted. Her head no longer on his shoulder and his hand no longer caressing the soft skin of her arm, he felt the void of her heat.

"Meredith" he called, her name rolling off his tongue like a sweet caress to her ears and her green emerald eyes locked with his baby blue eyes. "You knew firsthand what he wanted and it may not be exactly this but in the end he is where he wanted to be"

"But-" she tried to interrupt him but a sole finger against her lips was enough to silence her.

"Let me finish" he said as his finger succumbed to its need to feel her soft warm lips. Moving it back and forth he simply grazed the soft dry skin of her full bottom lip, his eyes never leaving the sight of the path his finger took.

He felt as her breathing deepened and came out though her parted lips and to his finger. Derek wanted nothing more than to replace it with his lips. He was hungry for her, he had been hungry for her since that very night he had first tasted her.

Her lips and her skin had been like a drug that night, always calling out to him for one last taste, but it was never the last, it called for him after long kisses and quick licks; he always wanted more, needed more. In the end there had been a last and right this moment he wanted nothing more than to fall into this addiction all over again. He was willing to throw his recovery chip away and let his addiction for her skin, for her lips take him so she could drug his senses all over again.

"It's ok to feel somehow glad he is gone, that he is free" Derek finally continued. It wasn't a good idea to kiss her right this moment, she was still very much affected by her client's death and there was also the fact that once he tasted her sweet lips there would be nothing stopping him. "He won't suffer anymore and like he wanted his family and friends will remember him by the strong man that fought for his freedom and his own right to choose his end"

"So…" she trailed off completely out of breath. His finger was now caressing her soft cheek and very very slowly he was inching closer to her.

"He was a very brave man" he concluded as his eyes stared at her lips, her tongue had just moisten them and he decided right there that he needed a small taste, just a little sip to quiet his thirst.

"He was" she agreed in a soft whisper. He was so close to her by now she couldn't think, she couldn't speak, all she could do was close her eyes in anticipation of the inevitable.

But it never happened. The car came to a sudden and harsh stop, interrupting their moment completely. Meredith's eyes opened wide with realization of what she had almost done and she quickly turned to exit the yellow taxi.

On the other side of the cab Derek was giving a nasty look to the driver while he looked through his wallet for the exact amount of money he needed to give him, he sure as hell didn't deserve any tip.

Rather frustrated by the interruption Derek grabbed his small suitcase and followed after Meredith inside the tall building. He waited right by her side for the elevator and rode silently with her the ten floors to her apartment.

She fished for her keys inside her designer bag and shoved them to him once she found them. "I've been having problems with the door. I always have to call a neighbor"

He gave her a smile and accepted the keys, but stopped dead on his tracks when he saw the red door. This building had obviously been a fabric of some sorts. The door had been changed but it had the same spirit, it was a huge piece of red metal. He unlocked the door easily and proceeded to pull to the side to open the sliding door.

She watched from the corner of her eyes as he opened the door. She leaned against the wall, knowing fully well they were going to be stuck out there for a while until he could finally open it. The door was driving her insane, she was always late everywhere because it wouldn't close, and if she knowingly left the house early because she knew it would give her trouble it gave her double the trouble and she had to stay even longer so she could close it. Luckily someone would be there tomorrow morning to fix it.

Much to her surprise Derek managed to open the door with a fast and hard tug. The way he quickly pulled from the handle with his hard hand made her go back to that night, when he had managed to undo the stuck zipper of his now wife's wedding gown. She had felt him nibble the tops of her breast and tried to reach more of her skin unsuccessfully, he had looked down her cleavage frustratingly until he found a way to reveal her pert breast to his curious eyes and his starved mouth.

"You coming?" Derek asked, pulling her out of her own thoughts. He looked at her with curiosity, her face had blushed to a pinkish tone in just a few seconds and he started worrying she might be running down a fever. "Are you feeling ok Mer?" he asked with concern

"I'm fine" she replied, she wasn't able to look at him now. The memories of what his mouth had done to her sensitive breasts had her blushing and feeling all hot and bothered, she felt the need to repeat the little tryst so the memories could be a little bit fresher on her head.

"Are you sure?" he insisted approaching her. He faced her much to her refusal and placed his hand on her forehead "You feel hot" he commented, making her blush further. She was praying he wouldn't realize why she was that hot and why her cheeks had that crimson tone. "But I don't think you're running a fever"

She nodded and turned around quickly, being around him only made her feel hotter. "There's food on the fridge if you want to eat, I'm going to take a shower" she informed without looking back. She needed time to calm down, time to block all the memories back behind those walls she had so carefully built. She needed time away from him and what he meant.


	7. The One With The Slumber Party

**I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I've been really busy lately. But I promise to update again at the end of the week to make up for the delay ;) Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments and for making my story one of your favorites. **

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><p>Pinning over Derek Shepherd hadn't been an easy task, but if she had to compare it to what she was doing now, to what she was feeling now pinning over him had been a piece of cake. Pinning over him had been dreaming and dreaming was something very easy, she only had to close her eyes and think whatever she wanted, imagine anything she wanted.<p>

Now things were far more difficult.

Dreaming about Derek kissing her was easy, dreaming about having him kneel down to propose was simple. And it was because it was only that, a dream. There was nothing real about it and at any moment Meredith could change those dreams, she could modify them. Like she did many times when she was alone at home and Derek was upstairs with another one of his conquest. The kisses that had previously been sweet and passionate on her dreams became uncomfortable, his soft and hard hands became rough. And they did because she could make them be whatever she wanted. She could just as easily dream about a perfect date with Derek or a horrible one.

Now there was no possibility. She could no longer dream because she knew. For much she wanted she couldn't pretend his kisses were bad, she couldn't pretend they didn't have any chemistry because they had chemistry, because his kisses weren't bad.

She had experienced his kisses, his caresses. She knew they were amazing together. There was no option now of modifying her dreams, now they were memories and she couldn't change memories.

Being with him most of the day was the hardest thing she'd done in weeks. She could feel her body responding to his when he was close, she could feel her heart beating faster when he looked at her, her skin breaking into goose bumps, her lips aching for his. And it was all real, she couldn't try to change the fact that her body was responding to his because she wanted him, because they worked together both physically and mentally and there was no denying that.

She sighed, her back pressed to the door of her bathroom. She needed a moment to calm down, to breathe in deeply and just make her body go back to normal. Because her body was in complete overdrive and the prospect of taking a cold shower sounded better as the minutes passed and her body continued aching for him. Her own body was betraying her, it knew he was at the other side of the door and it wasn't listening to any of her brain's orders.

Only when she heard noises coming from the other side of the door she decided to push herself off the door and proceed to take a much needed relaxing shower, whether it was hot or cold.

Outside her bathroom Derek was looking around with amazement, his eyes taking in everything around him. Her apartment was the opposite to what it was in Seattle. The furniture on her two bedroom apartment had been classic, mahogany. Here everything was modern, clean lines and with a black and white contrast. Except the kitchen, this had a much profound contrast, red and black.

He could see everything from where he was standing, all in one room. When he first entered her new home he didn't pay much attention to it, Meredith was far more interesting. But now the space and the furniture were picking up his interest. Not because he was into interior designing but because it was the complete opposite to what he thought Meredith liked, and this didn't look like the first thing.

It had taken her a while to finally confess working at the hospital wasn't her dream job. It was only now that Cristina told him what her dream was that he understood her words. And now he could see she was calling home to a place she probably hated. Part of him understood Cristina's reproaches, he saw a change in Meredith from New York to Seattle but he assigned it to age. He thought she was growing up, her spirit had always been there so he never really worried.

His stomach rumbling made him finally reach for the handle of the fridge and pulling from it he looked inside. As always her fridge was almost empty, proving she spent as much time home here as he did back in Seattle, meaning none. Deciding to make himself a sandwich he pulled everything he needed out and looked for the necessary utensils through the cabinets and drawers of her neat and sharp kitchen.

His eyes wondered once again to left and right, still surprised she liked this style. Not because he hated it, quite the opposite, he liked her home and a lot. From the office space with a crystal desk, to the two level living room area and specially the Japanese panels from roof to floor that separated her bedroom from the other spaces as well as what he guessed was her office. Walking around with a plate and his sandwich in hand Derek took the two only steps of the living room area and took a place on her white leather couch.

The view from the windows to his left was breathtaking, the sun was just setting down and he could imagine Meredith's naked and sweaty body cradled against his as they regained their breathing, both watching the orange and purple shades in the sky as the sun retired for the day.

He found himself smiling with the thought. Months before it would have never crossed his mind but since that night it was all he could think about. The little taste of Meredith he took was just a little tease, he was planning on fully enjoying the treat that was Meredith's body. And with that thought in mind he abandoned his sandwich for he was no longer hungry for that kind of food and with steady pace he took the few steps towards the bedroom area, to her bed.

Her sweet scent flowed around the entire house but especially on her bedroom. Derek felt like drowning on the sweet sensual aroma but he thought best of it and decided to wait for the real deal. He wanted to wait for her, to drown on her lips, on her taste, on all of her.

She had been gone too long and Derek was starting to worry about her, or at least that is the excuse he would use if anyone asked. Truthfully he couldn't be another second away from her when he wanted her that much.

With a small knock to her bathroom door Derek called after her but there was no answer. He didn't worry because he could hear noises coming from the inside of the bathroom, she was alive and apparently doing something. After an entire minute his patience grew thin and he turned the knob, hoping she hadn't locked herself up.

Her eyes closed when she heard him behind the door. She was not ready to see him just yet, or ever. The entire time she was showering he was on her mind and nothing would make him go away, not even the memory of the poor kid that had just gotten killed probably because of her. All the work she'd done since she moved from Seattle was now gone, he was back on her mind at all times and she couldn't do anything about it.

Part of her felt good having him on her mind again, it made her smile, made her heart beat faster, it made her somehow happy. But the other part, the part that hated to be so completely in love with a man that didn't reciprocate her feelings was not happy, because this only meant she was worsening, it only meant she was in for a whole lot of suffering.

"Mer?"

Just as the strong voice of the man she loved caressed her ears she wished she'd ask the handyman to install a lock in her bathroom door. She never thought it would be necessary, until now.

"Hey, you ok?" his concerned voice sounded closer with every word he spoke "You've been here a long time"

"I'm fine Derek" she answered plainly as she turned around to face him. But both knew she was lying, she was far from being fine. She was losing control with every second he stood beside her and she was hurting intensively because of it. As much as it hurt to watch him get engaged to another woman and plan their wedding it had nothing to how much she was hurting now because he was officially someone else's and she wanted him now more than she ever did. And to top it all she was fighting a battle against herself to destroy her feelings for him once and for all.

He smiled sadly at her, he'd known her for a long time and he could tell when she was lying and right this second she was. He didn't understand why, there was no shame in admitting your sadness for a friend and client. She was entitled to be not fine because of the day's events but she was denying it over and over when it was obvious it was bothering her.

The fact that only a white fluffy towel was covering her body had his throat completely dry but fighting against his wantons and needs Derek approached the subject of her sorrow and concern "She is not going to blame you" he spoke softly knowing he was hitting the bull's eye with his words, this was her main worry about the whole thing.

She looked down, signaling him this was what had her in that state of mind. Partly it was, she still worried about that mother that had lost her son before that horrible illness would slowly weaken his true spirit. The looks she gave her the entire day were of pure hatred and she understood, she even felt like hating herself for not taking care of him. She had given him close to no hope to win the case and knowing what he'd done and what he had planned on doing she let him go without as much as thinking about it and now he was dead, hit by a bus on his way to court.

"She has a right to" was Meredith's soft answer

Derek sighed, he really thought he'd clear her mind inside that taxi, but apparently he'd been far from it. Taking a step closer to her Derek stood right before her almost naked body "I know you feel like she does right now but when all that pain goes away she will see clearly that this is not your fault, it was a fatidic accident. Just an accident"

"I know it wasn't my fault but I feel it is" she confessed "It's such a horrible feeling!" her voice was exasperated, she was tired of feeling guilty about the whole thing when she knew the only one to blame for was that bus driver.

Derek gave her a true authentic smile, Meredith was so pure and so genuine only she'd feel something she knows she shouldn't feel. "It happened because it had to happen" he told her, his hand tucked the wet locks of her hair behind her ears. "It's…"

"What?" she asked, slightly out of breath. He was so close, too close and his eyes were gazing so deeply at hers she was losing control of her body.

"It's fate" he murmured slow and sensual, or maybe it was just on his normal tone but she felt it like a sweet caress to her heightened skin.

"You, Derek Shepherd believe in fate?" she asked, obviously surprised by this revelation. He was a doctor and doctors believe in actions, they never give up on a patient no matter what their fate is supposed to be, they use until the last of their resources to change that fate.

"I do now" he answered with a nod, completely proud of this new believe of his. "There are things that are meant to be and no matter how much you fight it you can't prevent it from happening"

She swallowed hard, was this directed to her? Was he telling her something or was it only her imagination? She had to ask. "What's my fate?"

"Well…" he trailed of in such a way that it made him all the more interesting "Right now it is going to bed and getting some rest"

She hit his arm with fake annoyance but laughed at his words, thing that made him smile. He missed those days when he'd make her laugh until her stomach hurt.

"There's some blankets and pillows for the couch in my closet" she informed him, at what he simply nodded. He left the room to let her change into her pajamas. He followed her words and looked inside her closet for the blankets and pillows and when he finally found them he changed his mind.

Her bed looked too inviting to sleep in a terribly uncomfortable couch. He wasn't looking for anything, not that night. She was exhausted and he knew it but sleeping with her warm and soft body wrapped around his was like a siren's song, calling him so strongly in less than two minutes he found himself inside of her bed with only a pair of sweat pants he'd pack on his suitcase.

She'd been acting weird towards him the entire day and he knew perfectly well it was because of what happened that night. She never let him talk about it and this were the consequences, she felt incredibly uncomfortable, which only amused him. She looked so cute trying to pretend nothing happened he couldn't wait to see her face when she found him inside her bed.

"What are you doing in my bed?"

Anger. That feeling would have been plastered across her face had they cleared up the air. She was no nice and warm when it came to something that bothered her and invading her space when she'd tell you to sleep on the couch was something that would clearly piss her off. Instead of being angry she felt embarrassed and he could tell by the way her cheeks were changing to a rosy tone. He smiled with amusement, she was clearly nervous by the way she kept biting down her bottom lips as she looked at him on her bed.

It was empowering knowing that she trusted herself so little when it came to sharing a bed with him, and only for sleeping. If she wasn't that tired he would push her buttons until she exploded and screamed at him with that frustrated and angry face she had when she was mad. He loved every single word of her rants, but what he loved the most were those eyes, those cat-like dangerous eyes with what she'd look at the object of her frustrations. She looked dangerous and sexy all at the same time.

Her heart was beating as fast as she'd remember it beating, her body reacting to his warmth even though she was nowhere near him, but still, her body was already getting ready to feel his body pressed against hers. And she could do nothing about it, what was worse, she was thinking on not doing anything about it.

"That couch looks so incredibly uncomfortable" he pouted, taking complete advantage of the fact that he looked like a little kid with his bottom lip sticking out, his eyes pleading and his head slightly bowed.

But with her it didn't work, as nervous as she was Meredith knew his tricks too well not to recognize them when they were presented right in front of her, this time worse even: used against her.

He quickly looked for a new strategy, this was certainly not working by her expression. The rosy tone of embarrassment was slowly disappearing and she had completely stopped that sexy thing about biting her bottom lip, it was time to attack for a different flank.

"We've slept together before" he reminded her and even though he was not talking about that night that he thought too short his strategy worked. The reminder of the night her dreams had miraculously made true had her cheeks matching the pink of the tank top she was wearing.

Many nights she'd pretend to fall asleep on his couch on movie nights so he would carry her to his bed, took her shoes off and let her snuggle closer to his warm body. She hated having to do it to be that close to him but it was the only way she could think to have his body so close to hers. Obviously Derek was referring to those nights but lately all Meredith could think about when it came to Derek was about that magical night when the man she loved did what she'd been dreaming for years: he made her his.

"Fine" she sighed, finally giving up. But it was not like she had much repair on having his body pressed up against her, what worried her was what it would do to her. She knew herself pretty well and with things such as this she could hand over the key to her heart without putting up much of a fight and it was hard enough to get it back the first time she handed it willingly to the man currently waiting impatiently for her to get inside the bed.

He pulled the covers back and waited until she finally decided to join him in bed. Even though she had agreed she was still reluctant to actually do it and willingly get inside her previous very lonely bed. He looked absolutely tempting with his naked upper body on display, her eyes could not look away and that only made her reluctance to join him the more powerful.

Very slowly she made it to the bed, she sat down carefully at the very edge of the bed, almost falling in the process for how close to the edge she actually sat on, she was trying to stay as far away from him as she could. He chuckled at her behavior, this was prompting to be more entertaining than he ever thought possible.

She lay down next to him but at the same time as far away as she could. He chuckled to himself again, she was so stiff he thought he was laying next to a tree trunk. He took care of covering her body with the covers before scooting over closer to her. Her body stiffened even more if that was even possible but he didn't pull back, this was exactly how he wanted to sleep.

His chest was pressed up against her back and his knees were tucked behind hers, he was officially spooning her and she wanted nothing more than to turn around and taste those plump juicy lips of his before letting him taste her body with them. She resisted her needs even when his arm circled her waist and pushed her closer to him with his palm pressed against her stomach. She felt somehow thankful, after all she was so close to falling over the bed she really needed to move.

He sighed softly, he felt good laying there with her, he could almost swear he felt relaxed even though he still wanted her. There was something about her warm body that made everything perturbing him to suddenly disappear, she was driving his worries away with her simple touch. The truth was she was making sure he was not touching any part of her skin but he craved it like nothing else.

Derek made sure his hand was warm enough before inching her tank top slightly up and pressing his palm flat against her stomach. She sucked in a deep breath and not only for his touch but also to hide her stomach, she was very self conscious when it came to him and even though he was a married man she still wanted him to think she had a somehow perfect body.

He sighed again, he was as comfortable as he'd ever been and the only thought of being just like that for the entire night put a smile on his face. Now if he could only convince her to relax and enjoy this as much as he was everything would be completely perfect. Well not as perfect as if he could feast upon her curves but close.

Her eyes were round and open for what felt like ever to her, she wanted to be awake as much as possible in case he tried something. She was sure once she was half asleep her body would simply follow her bodies desires and that's something she couldn't afford to let happen. She was extremely weak when it came to Derek Shepherd and she was fighting it with her entire being.

"Where are you going?" he asked groggily when her warm body moved not only away from him but out of the bed.

If his hand had stayed there, pressed against her stomach she wouldn't have cared, at least not more than she already did. But it had been moving and the moment she decided to make it stop both his pinky and ring finger had made it inside her sweat pants and he was stepping into very dangerous territory. Her teeth had bitten down her bottom lip and she'd repress a moan from the soft caress of his fingers but she'd also decided to put a stop to all of it.

"I forgot to brush my teeth" she lied "Go back to sleep, I'll be back in a second"

But she wasn't back in a second, or a minute, almost not even in one hour. She stayed inside her bathroom, sitting on her toilet until she was sure he was completely asleep. The thought of sleeping on her couch crossed her mind, but he was right, the couch looked extremely uncomfortable to get a full night's rest and she was tired enough as it was.

Meredith sighed relieved when she got out of her bathroom, she was too tired to stay a minute longer awake. Derek was with his back to her and no longer invading her space of the bed, he was occupying what would be his side of the bed.

She joined him making sure she didn't wake him or she'd have him wrapped around her body again. It was the most amazing of feelings but she didn't want to feel it, she couldn't, she was not the right person to feel it. And with that thought and the fear of what might happen when they woke up she let her eyes close and her body but not mind to rest for the rest of the night.


	8. The One With The Baseball Bat

**Thanks everyone for your feedback and your support with this story. I know you might be starting to get anxious about them not talking but I promise it will be worth it when they finally clear things up. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters.**

It was exactly like she'd dreamed it happening: the first rays of sun hit her closed eyes as birds chirped outside, her warm body enveloped in what felt like a cocoon as she slowly woke up from one of the best nights of her life. Soft and warm lips pressed against her bare shoulder and so very slowly dragged barely there kisses up the column of her throat, strong hands pulled her closer possessively as a happy and aroused smile appeared on her face, and the rest…

The rest could simply not happen because it was not a dream, it was reality. The sun was indeed hitting her eyes and those birds were chirping away in the cold morning. Her body was enveloped in both her covers and the warm body next to hers, who was at the moment kissing his way up her throat, his hand pulling her body close to her, close enough to feel something that made her eyes widen suddenly.

She jumped quickly out of the bed looking as disheveled as ever. Her hair was a mass of tangled hair, the straps of the tank top she was wearing as her pajamas were both down her shoulders, one of the legs of her sweats tucked in the middle of her thigh. Her chest heaved and fell as she looked at his form on the bed.

He looked absolutely edible with his morning stubble, his completely naked muscular chest and that look of being half asleep and half aroused, he was everything a woman would want to wake up next to and yet her eyes were wide open in both surprise and fear.

"What are you doing?" she asked, completely out of breath. _Why was this happening to her?_ she asked herself, she wasn't even sure why she'd agree to let him sleep in her bed if deep down she knew this would happen. It was bound to happen because if he didn't start it she probably would have before she fully woke up. There was no question that both her body and heart wanted him as badly as ever and as always those dawned before her not so pleased brain, a brain that was running a mile per minute with the thoughts of what could have happened if she hadn't woken up in time to stop him.

"Saying good morning?" he asked with a chuckle. It was certainly getting more and more entertaining for him. When he woke up he did so with a smile on his face and he discovered the reason was lying right next to him. The last he remembered from last night was waiting for Meredith to come back from the bathroom so he could wrap her body with his but as far as he could say she never came back. Somehow his body had found her during the night and she hadn't resisted one bit. The second he opened his eyes he was amazed by the beautiful and tempting image in front of him, she was sleeping like a little angel and he couldn't help but smile as he watched with devotion her every little movement as she breathed deeply in her sleep.

He watched her for what felt like a second but was certainly more than 15 minutes. As always her tempting lips, her soft skin, everything about her called him and he couldn't resist and softly pressed his lips against her bare shoulder. His eyes closed as he felt the warm skin of her shoulder against his lips and sighed, completely satisfied with the fact that he was just about to taste her sweet skin again. His lips moved and kissed as softly as he could a path to the column of her throat. It was right in the middle of this path his lips were taking that he decided he could no longer go this slowly or he'd simply explode inside the sweatpants he was painfully wearing. Obviously a night pressed up to her body had affected him and finally tasting her skin, even though it was just a little tease, was more than enough for him to want her desperately.

"Derek stop" she warned, she was outside of her bed and slowly backing out, taking small steps back because he was also outside of her bed and following after her. She was like a little rabbit that was completely stuck, feeling completely defenseless before the big bad wolf.

On his eyes she had ruined everything when she jumped out of bed suddenly. Yes it was certainly entertaining for him that she had jumped exactly after he had pressed her body to his so she could feel just how much he wanted her, but it was getting frustrating that she was not back inside of the bed yet, even worse she looked as scared as ever, as if he was a criminal that wanted to hurt her and not the friend that wanted her more than anything else.

"I won't bite" he couldn't help but joke, but she didn't laugh, not one bit. It was clearly not funny to her, she was scared out of her mind because she wanted nothing more than to jump with him in bed but she'd be that weak woman again and she refused to be her again.

Her fingers closed in on the hard handle of a baseball bat she had just in case someone were to attack her. It had been the 'welcome back' present Cristina had given her, said she'd need it sooner or later and after all she was right. For months it had been peeking out of a corner in her bedroom and she laughed every time she saw it, not sure why she'd kept it. Now she was glad she had.

Derek's brow rose questioningly but also with amusement, he had no idea why she owned a baseball bat because she completely hated baseball but what surprised and amused him the most was that she looked like she was planning on using it against him if he took a step closer. Looking at her closely for a second he decided she was not serious and took his chances by taking a step forward, at what she took a bigger step back but also stretched the arm with what she was holding the bat, telling him he was not to get closer or she'd use it.

Again he decided to take his chances but did it carefully by taking just a small step closer to her, the bat pressed against his thorax and she remained completely still. He was waiting for that dangerous look to replace the fear, waiting for the anger to fill her body but it was not happening and he was starting to get worried.

"Derek don't" she whispered, her voice full of emotion "I don't want to hurt again" she pleaded but she was already hurting. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with was half naked and willing to take her, everything seemed right until that point, didn't it? But the man belonged to someone else and she couldn't, she wouldn't be the other woman. Not after knowing how badly her mother had suffered when her so called first husband, her own father, found himself a little bitch to keep him entertained. He wouldn't do that to another human being, unlike her father she had principles and even though it was killing her inside she'd follow them.

Her strangled words worried him to a point where he felt the need to reach out to her to calm her, to ask her what was wrong but she pulled back again. "Meredith, what …?" he started but didn't find how to finish the inquiry, he had no idea what was happening around him nor what Meredith meant with her words, it was as if he was missing a piece of the puzzle and as hard as he tried to make sense out of it he couldn't figure out what he was missing.

"I'm tired of this" she sighed, completely defeated, she'd battled herself and after the teary eyed face of her mother appeared in front of her she decided she needed to let him go. He had to go back to his wife no matter how much she wanted him. "This has to stop, I'm done. I'm over you"

And with those words she loosened her grip around the bat and let it hit the floor with a loud thud. She walked past him and to her closet to retrieve her sweats and a t shirt, she was going for a run, to relieve some stress and think clearly about what those words she'd voiced meant.

He stood there completely dumbfound, it was as if he was in a movie but he was not a part of this movie, every actor had received the script and knew what it was all about, somehow his had gotten lost in transit.

After what he'd witnessed he was completely worried about Meredith, about what it was going on with her. She was hurting, that he knew for sure and not only for the fact that she had said so but because he could see it himself. But for the love of him he had no idea what it was all about. One thing was clear: at some point Meredith had felt something for him, this wasn't the first time she'd say she was over him. He only hoped this time it meant as little as it did when she first said it because even though she looked serious her body had betrayed her just moments later. Before he had the time to confirm this hope he had was right, Meredith emerged from the bathroom completely dressed in her running clothes, her hair up in a high ponytail. She walked past him and without as much as glancing at him or saying a word Meredith left her apartment, leaving Derek Shepherd as confused as he's ever been.

She ran as fast as she could and as long as her legs allowed her to. It freed her troubled mind from every single thought and she enjoyed it while it lasted because even though at the beginning the purpose of going running was to think about what her words to him meant it became too hard to face the fact that she'd said it was over. Her knees started giving up and soon her lungs followed and she had no other option but to stop. That same second every single thought that had occupied her mind was back again. She lied down on the green grass and closed her eyes tightly, she wanted it all gone again but she had no more strength to continue running.

She sat up and groaned when the image of Derek's piercing blue eyes appeared before her. There was no use and she knew that, there was no way she could avoid what was happening. Derek was at her house and even though the prospect of not going back and move in back with her mother sounded like a better option she couldn't avoid this problem or it would get so much worse. She needed to be clear with him and ask him to leave because it was harder than she thought being in love with a married man.

But there was such a big part of her that didn't want him to go away. He was one of her best friends and she needed him, the problem was that she was no longer willing to have him as her friend and only that, she wanted and needed more but knew she couldn't.

She was a big mess and the more she thought about him the more confused she became, she needed help, she needed someone to talk her into stopping this confusion and to tell her, no to demand she told Derek to leave because she couldn't decide that on her own. And she knew the perfect person to tell her that.

"I thought you were taking the day off" Cristina leaned back on her chair just as Meredith sat on the opposite chair.

"I am"

"Are you ok?" Cristina asked with worry, she could see her friend was definitely not ok but decided to give her a chance to speak on her own.

Meredith looked at her friend and took a moment to think about what she wanted to say and if she wanted to say it at all. Cristina was certainly going to convince her to let go of Derek, she had no doubt about that and she wanted to do that but she also didn't. She was a complete mess.

"Derek slept in my bed" Meredith found herself blurting out. Cristina's eyes widened and her mouth opened to ask the obvious but before she could Meredith explained herself "No sex involved, just sleeping"

"It's not the first time you share a bed" Cristina pointed out

"I know" Meredith sighed "But this morning when we woke up he wanted… he wanted more"

"He wanted sex?" Cristina asked with surprise, she never thought Derek would look at Meredith in any other way than a friend, except that during the encounter they had the previous day Derek hadn't looked too happy when she'd mention Wyatt and seeing that she continued talking about him, making remarks about Meredith and him and she'd seen something she'd never seen in Derek, he was mad, furious even every time she mentioned Wyatt, he was jealous or appeared to be. And now Meredith was saying he wanted to sleep with her, something had obviously changed since the last time she saw him. "Did you?"

"No!" Answered with resolution Meredith "Of course not! How can you even ask that? He's a married man"

"Mer" Cristina sighed, she didn't want to do this, she really didn't but it was obvious Meredith was still in love with him. She had been watching her and she appeared to be fine with this new job and her family and friends around and supporting her in every way but her smile was not the smile she had when Derek was next to her, he was the part of her life that was missing. And it looked like he had finally realized how incredible Meredith was, he was feeling something and maybe it was exactly what Meredith needed.

She saw a change on Cristina, a change she didn't like. She'd come here because she knew Cristina would make her give Derek and how she felt for Derek up but now, looking at her she was not so sure that was what she was going to advise her to do.

"I know he's married and all, but Mer… he's here and it seems like he wants you" Cristina said "You know him better than I do, do you think he'd be the kind of guy that would cheat on his wife just for the fun of it?"

"He wouldn't cheat" Meredith said without a doubt "But he wants to cheat on her with me so I don't know what to think anymore" And he also had cheated on his fiancée the night before his wedding with her.

"Ask him" Cristina proposed "He's here for a reason, ask him why, ask him what he wants. It's the only way of knowing"

God, how she hated this. She'd come exactly here because there was a 99 percent probability of Cristina telling her to just kick him out and exactly today she'd find a somehow normal Cristina, what were the chances?

Exactly 1 percent.

Talking to him, speaking to him was a great idea, except she couldn't be on the same room as Derek without feeling her heart shatter into a million pieces. It hurt wanting him so much and not being able to have him. When he wasn't married she could still live with that hope that maybe one day he'd look at her and see her but now there was no hope.

"We slept together" she finally confessed. She wasn't strong enough to tell Cristina exactly how much she was hurting, she felt embarrassed for being so desperately in love with that man for so long. By telling her that Meredith was hoping that Cristina would understand what was going on with her and that she'd change her mind and advise her to make him go away.

"You've established that"

"No" Meredith sighed, trying to gain all the courage she needed to tell her friend something that had been a deep secret and a treasure for her for 8 long weeks. "The night before his wedding, we had sex"

Cristina looked at her with disbelieve for a minute thinking that her friend was absolutely joking. There was no way she could have kept something that big from her when it was pretty much all she'd been looking forward to for four long years. But the more she remembered that teary eyed face that met her when she opened her hotel room door the more clear it became. She was really telling the truth and having sex with him the night before his wedding was exactly what had broken her.

"That's why you wanted to leave Seattle"

"It was horrible Cristina" Meredith started "I mean it was amazing but… but we did something horrible! He was going to get married in a few hours to a beautiful and amazing woman and there I was, wearing her wedding dress while I was having sex with her fiancée, what kind of person would do that?" By that time Meredith was pacing just like she did that same night.

Cristina felt like laughing, four years she'd been pinning over Derek and he'd never notice and the night before his wedding completely out of the blue they end up having sex. And knowing Meredith this would have not happened if Derek didn't want it first, Meredith would never take that step before knowing fully well that Derek wanted it too. It was actually hilarious thinking about what these two had done.

"It was certainly one hell of a bachelor party"

"You think this is funny?"

"No" Cristina shook her head with a serious and straight face that changed into a full smirk with her next words "I think it's hilarious"

"Cristina!" Meredith couldn't believe Cristina was finding this amusing, nevertheless funny when she had suffered so much for her actions, their actions.

"Four years, that's the time you guys had to have sex yet you decide to do it a few hours before his wedding"

"It just happened!" Meredith huffed crossing her arms across her chest. Her eyes looked at her friend and found her laughing "This is your freaking fault! You left us alone!"

"Of course" Cristina nodded "And I also undressed you both and made him stick it into you"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at her friend, but she no longer felt like calling her a friend. She didn't understand, she couldn't, the only one that saw things clearly was her.

"He's here to get more of that skinny ass of yours" Cristina laughed

"Stop it!" Meredith interrupted her friend's laughter with her loud words "This is not funny!"

"Come on Mer " her friend sighed "It's what you wanted"

"But not like this!" Meredith exclaimed "I wanted him to ask me out, I wanted him fall in love with me, I wanted to be the only woman he'd ever think about"

"Yes, and I wanted a pony when I was a kid and all I got was a plastic little horse. We don't always get what we want Meredith, we just have to make the best of it" Cristina said walking around her desk and sitting right next to her "You got the guy, it was not like you dreamed about it but you did. Make the best of it now"

"But I didn't get the guy Cristina, she did" Meredith answered sadly "She got him and I'm all alone again"

"I don't know Mer" Cristina doubted "If he was happily married he would be with his wife, not here looking for you. There's something there"

"God" Meredith groaned taking her hands to her face "I can't talk to him"

"What are you afraid of?"

"He's married now" Meredith sighed "What if he says he has feelings for me now? I can't… I won't let him break the marriage, I can't make her suffer like my mother did"

"Just talk to him Mer" Cristina repeated her advice "Go home and talk to him"

Meredith took a deep breath and then another and a third one in hopes it would give her the courage she needed, but nothing worked. She was more scared now than she'd ever been. Cristina had opened her eyes and made her see that there had to be something going on with Derek's marriage. She knew him and she knew that he would never cheat on a woman, that was simply not Derek. All kinds of scenarios played on her head and none of them looked good to her. She'd never accept him leaving his wife for her if that was the case, there was always a way of fixing it and specially them because she knew they loved one another. She was screwed no matter what, she was not getting the guy in either of those scenarios.

"Fine" Meredith gave up, the sooner she talked to him the sooner he'd leave and the sooner she could go back to miss him terribly and pretend she was over him.

Just as she was about to leave Cristina's voice stopped her with her hand on the door. "I don't know if you remember but tonight it's the Christmas party"

"Do I really need to come?" Meredith asked without even turning around and waited for a positive response that she was pretty much sure wouldn't come.

"We're already short on one partner, I need you here"

"Fine" Meredith sighed as she opened the door but once again Cristina's voice stopped her, this time just for a second because she completely ignored her. She was not going to take in seriously her suggestion of bringing Derek with her.

Slow, very very slow she walked home and found herself arriving with right the amount of time to change and go back to the office. She sighed relieved as she leaned against the back of the building's elevator, with this party she could avoid talking to him, at least for tonight she was save.

With the first try with her apartment's door she couldn't open it and groaned with the realization that she'd escape before the handyman would come to fix her door, another thing she had to take care of tomorrow. The day sounded so much worse as the seconds passed.

Derek was there, opening the door at the other end in a second. Her eyes clashed with his and she froze, he looked just as handsome and sexy as this morning even though instead of wearing a simple pair of sweats he was wearing a very elegant very expensive suit.

"Hi" she stammered, he was so distracting with how handsome he looked and how good he smelled.

"Hi" he smiled at her but not as he had before, his smile looked sad now "Your handyman came but had to leave because he didn't have everything he needed to fix your door"

"Ugh!" Meredith huffed "I hate that guy"

Derek smiled again, this time brighter because she looked better than this morning, not like his Meredith but definitely better than this morning. He followed her form as she walked inside her apartment and away from him, as he maintained his position at the door. Something told him she was going to avoid him again.

"Cristina called" he commented casually as he closed the metallic sliding door.

Meredith stopped dead on her tracks. She was hating more and more her so called friend. "She invited you?" Meredith asked as her sneakers squeaked against the hardwood floors when she turned around to face him. She tried not to sound as displeased as she felt by the fact.

"Yeah" Derek nodded "She said you needed someone to keep all those dirty old men away from you" he chuckled. It was an excuse, he knew that. For some reason Cristina had invited him and for suspicious he felt about it because she could absolutely not stand him he decided to go because in a room full of people Meredith couldn't try to avoid him or even try to escape, she needed to be there and he was taking the opportunity to be with her and maybe he would get a chance to speak to her on their way to the party.

"Great!" Meredith faked a smile swearing Cristina would pay for this. She had not only given her the advise she didn't want but she was also creating opportunity for them to talk and if that wasn't all she was also creating a mess because Wyatt, her ex-boyfriend and the man that Derek currently disliked so much was also going to this Christmas party. "I'm going to get ready"


	9. The One With The Christmas Party

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

Derek would never peg Meredith as a chatty person, in the years he had known her she'd never talked and talked and talked. Yes, she'd ramble cutely whenever she was nervous but she'd stop when you chuckle at how absolutely cute she looks or she suffocates and needs to stop to breathe. Tonight nothing could stop her, not even the poor cab driver that wanted to tell her all about his wife, but only because Meredith had previously asked.

He'd planned to take the car ride to her office as the perfect opportunity to speak with her. It was the ideal place to corner her, because, what was she gonna do? Jump off the car?

As the cab pulled over on the side of the road he opened the door for her and let her in before he followed after her and even before he had closed the car door she was already asking the driver about his day. At first the man didn't look interested on saying a word but the second he looked back though his rear view mirror he became very interested, after all a gorgeous looking girl looked very interested in talking to him, if he only knew it was only so the frustrated man next to her didn't have the chance to even look at her.

He understood she was a little freaked out, he got that because of what had happened just minutes ago inside her apartment but that only made their talk the more necessary.

"He kissed me!" Meredith whispered conspiratorially to her friend as they maintained a smile on their faces while several of their clients passed by them to both thank them for the invitation and wishing a Merry Christmas.

"So you guys talked" Cristina assumed, but soon realized that was not the case, her friend's expression said it all "Making out was far more important, right?" she rolled her eyes

"I…" Meredith trailed off as she looked back to what had happened just an hour ago.

_After a long half hour she emerged from the bathroom completely dressed. She was not feeling very good and she certainly didn't want to go to any party so she just took the first thing that her hand touched on her closet, not really caring how she'd look on it. When she looked up after putting on her black peeptoes she found Derek's eyes glued to her. Her cheeks warmed instantly and her knees felt weaker than usual when he was on her presence. _

_His look reminded her of how he looked at her when they'd first met, when she thought that maybe he liked her, but then she had to go home for a month and when she came back he was talking about some girl on his class nonstop and she suggested he asked her out so she could see where they were, and he followed her advice. But it looked more powerful now, like he really meant it, like he really liked her, like he really wanted her._

"_Derek" she whispered his name. She could see it now, he was looking at her differently, he was looking at her just how she wanted him to do it, but it was much too late._

_He took a step closer and then another, his eyes bored into hers one minute and the next were burning a path down her body. She burned as he scanned her body and suddenly she hoped she'd cared for her attire._

_He stood a mere foot away from her and held her gaze for an entire minute, she could do nothing but look back at those beautiful blue eyes of his and get lost in them. She was so lost on his eyes she didn't notice him move closer and cup her cheek lovingly until she felt the warmth from his hand on her skin. "You look beautiful" he whispered._

_Her eyes closed at the sound of his voice so close, so low and intimate. Her entire body ached and she couldn't fight it anymore, it was too hard, too painful. She leaned in just a little bit, enough to feel his breath fanning her features and stopped, stopped because she was still fighting herself. He didn't move an inch, not even when Meredith leaned in again and just when their lips were about to touch she pulled slightly back, just as if she had kissed his lips lightly. She could almost feel it, she could almost feel his lips pressed against her, the electricity, if she closed her eyes she could feel his warm lips against her trembling ones._

_Derek swallowed hard because it was pure torture having her so close and having her that far away at the same time. He watched as she moistened her lips and followed her steps. He leaned in, his nose brushed against hers, his lips closer than hers had been but just like she had done he pulled back slightly and brushed her nose with his softly, slowly and didn't kiss her. It was killing him but he didn't want to scare her any more than she already was._

"_We should get going" he whispered as he once again leaned in for another almost kiss. He didn't want to move, he really didn't but it literally was killing him having her lips so damn close and not being able to kiss her, afraid she might run away once again._

"_I know" she nodded slowly, purposely brushing his nose against hers and leaned in for one of this almost kisses that felt almost as amazing, almost as intimate. For a moment she debated if she should just do it, give in to her needs and kiss the man she loved so deeply but before she had time to decide Derek pulled back from her and made the choice easy, even if what she was going to choose was giving in to what she felt. With a last look at those twinkling blue eyes she walked past him and out of her apartment._

"I wish he had kissed me" she sighed. He hadn't initiated it, it had been her, she was the first almost kissing him. Cristina's eyebrow rose and she explained a little better, or so she thought "He- I mean we almost kissed… several times"

Cristina nodded and nodded again, waiting for Meredith to elaborate, to explain but she didn't take the hint and she had to ask because apparently it meant more than simply almost kissing someone "How did you almost kiss?" Meredith looked at her as if the answer was something she had to know, something obvious and Cristina had to rephrase her question "What happened exactly?"

"We kissed but not really kissed" Meredith huffed "Our lips didn't touch but we were so close and we… Oh God, I don't know what I'm doing" she groaned frustratingly, but not as loud as her friend did. She was being ridiculous.

"Derek! Over here!" Meredith heard her best friend call. Her eyes widened and she shook her head at Cristina, she wasn't ready to see Derek again. She had almost given in and that simply couldn't happen again, she couldn't be strong next to him so she needed to avoid being near him altogether.

"Hi" Derek directed his greeting uncomfortably at Meredith's friend and then looked at her, long and deep, it was a new habit of him.

"Can you take Meredith dancing before Mister Seyfried does? He's coming this way and I'm afraid her shoes won't survive even a second" she smiled at Derek before looking at her friend, there was shock and betrayal on her face and she smiled wider, this was getting so much fun.

"I'll just say I sprang my ankle" Meredith tried to come up with an excuse. "Thank you though" she smiled politely at Derek.

"He saw you walk in, you can't fake it now"

Derek offered his hand for her to take. He didn't usually dance because he was horrible at it but if the compensation for looking completely ridiculous was having Meredith on his arms then he'd do it without hesitation.

She followed him reluctantly but not before snatching Cristina's drink and gulping down whatever concoction her friend had been drinking and shoved the glass back to her. Her heart started beating faster as they got closer to the space that was usually the waiting area but had now become the dance floor, it was the only thing she could hear.

_Thinkin' how the story goes  
>I'm helpless and I'm wishin'<br>Put the film inside my mind  
>But there's a big scene that I'm missin'<em>

His arm circled her waist and pushed her close to him, as close as to press her body tightly against his. She gasped when her face stopped a mere inch of his. The vibrant blue of his eyes stared at her as his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her more than intimately close. She could not look away from those eyes, he was not only pulling her in, he was keeping her inside, unable to move, talk or even think, only swim on the ocean of his eyes.

_As I re-read my lines  
>I think I said this, I should've said that<br>Did you edit me out of your mind  
>'Cos in a flash you had disappeared, gone<em>

He was glad the song was somehow slow because all he needed to do was sway to the music, and there was also the added factor that he could have her as close as possible. Her arms remained uncomfortably still, she wasn't sure what she should do with her arms, and certainly circling his neck would be too dangerous. She looked around and all she saw were couples dancing slowly to the music, enjoying the company and she decided to indulge, it was the only thing she could do, and the only thing she wanted to do.

_Before the curtain falls  
>And we act this out again<br>Maybe I should risk it all and state_

Derek sighed softly when her arms wrapped around his neck, she was finally giving up all the battles inside her head. She was following her heart and he couldn't be happier about it, and he couldn't hide it either. The familiar flowery scent invaded his nostrils and before he could realize what he was doing his eyes were closed and his face buried on her long golden hair. He took a deep breath and let himself drown in both her scent and her warmth. His hands started roaming, moving slowly, sofly, delicately up her back and down down down past her waist, past her lower back and to what was unmistakably her gluteus, the side of her gluteus. It was certainly a touch that only a lover would allow but Meredith didn't protest, she couldn't protest because she was feeling so much… everything. She was feeling every single part of his body against hers, he was breathing deeply against her neck and he was touching her with those hard and warm hands of his.

_That I'm officially going on the record  
>To say I'm in love with you<br>I'm officially everything you hope that I would be  
>This time I'll tell the truth<em>

His hand moved up up up until he reached the edge of the strapless black dress she was wearing and moved just an inch more so he could touch her skin. She shivered at his touch and he couldn't help but smile. He had no idea he could have this kind of effect in her.

With his fingertip he draw random patterns on the exposed skin of her back as she melted more and more on his arms, he could feel her surrender. The other hand, the one that was being extremely intimate with her body continued to do so but as slow as he could. He was making her skin burn as he continued to caress her body. The dress that was between her skin and his hand did nothing to mask the fire he was igniting on her, it was as if it wasn't even there.

_I'm officially wrong I know  
>For letting you go the way I did<br>Unconditionally more than I ever was before  
>I'm officially yours<em>

And oh how she wanted it to disappear, it was only keeping his hand from caressing her skin. She couldn't deny it anymore: she wanted him, badly. And there was no more strength in her to keep fighting it, what she felt about him, the way her heart beat for him and only him. She had believes and principles but they were as strong as a house of cards on a storm when it came to him.

_Travellin' down this road again  
>Gotta make a few decisions<br>Don't want you to feel this hurt again  
>That's why I'm hopin' that you'll listen<em>

It was time, time to ask, time to hear what he had to say. After everything that had happened between the two she needed to know what he was doing here, why he was trying to repeat what had happened that night, why he was looking at her that way, why he was holding her that way. Part of her was still afraid, how could she not? She was in love with this man, the man that was holding her like only a lover would but a man that had gotten married in the eyes of God to another woman.

_If you let me press rewind  
>I'll rehearse every word I should have said<br>'Cos girl I'm ready to make things right  
>Here on this stage so we can move on<em>

She pulled back slightly so she could look at him, at his bright blue eyes and took a deep breath that didn't serve at all when he smiled at her. She melted further into his arms and he held her even closer to him, her own hands tightened around his neck and her face remained an inch away from his, their eyes locked tightly for what seemed like forever. He stopped moving completely, stopped swaying to the music, stopped moving his hands around her beautiful body, just stopped and focused on her stunning green eyes.

_Things I should have said  
>Like I appreciate the time that I spend with you<br>Inspire me with the smile I put on your pretty face  
>My world comes alive, now I know (now I know it babe)<br>This time I'm not letting go  
>'Cos I'm officially yours<em>

"What are you doing here Derek?" she finally managed to get the words out and asked the question that had been swimming in her mind since he set foot on her office.

_Officially everything you hope that I would be  
>This time I'll tell the truth<br>I'm officially wrong I know  
>For letting you go the way I did<br>Unconditionally more than I ever was before_

He smiled at her words, she was looking on his eyes for an answer and she was starting to get nervous. He wanted to answer instantly but he wanted to take in this moment, she looked so incredible beautiful on his arms he wanted to remember it forever.

Another smile made it into his mouth because he simply couldn't avoid it when she was so close, so willing and so beautiful. Taking a deep breath he let the words out.

_Girl I'm unconditionally yours (oh yeah)  
>Officially yours, your man<br>Girl I'm unconditionally yours  
>Officially yours, I am<em>

"I'm fighting"

_Officially yours, I am_

_Fighting?_ she asked herself as she looked deeply to his blue eyes. She pondered his answer but she had no idea what to make of those little words, it could mean so many different things. Her mouth opened but closed soon, she had so many things to ask she wasn't sure what to ask first.

He watched her with great pleasure as the wheels inside of her head turned and couldn't help but smile brightly. She looked so cute with all those questions flashing across her eyes and none of them making it past her lips even when her mouth opened and closed with every question. His eyes moved down and he focused right there, on her mouth, the light red gloss making her lips all the more tempting, juicy. He wanted to kiss her, he needed to kiss her and now it was the perfect moment because even though she looked scared he knew she wouldn't be able to escape with the tight hold he had on her.

"May I?"

He watched as her eyes widened slightly at the sound of a manly voice next to them. She knew perfectly well who it was even before turning and Derek had a pretty good idea. Reluctantly he let Meredith pull back and turn to look at the man that had interrupted so rudely the precious moment. Once again Derek wanted to punch this guy.

"Wyatt" Derek greeted in a way that made perfectly clear he was not happy to see him.

After a brief nod from his head acknowledging Derek's presence Wyatt looked at Meredith and focused his attention on her. "Do you want to dance?"

Derek looked at Meredith and waited for a negative response. They had been talking and there was much to be said, she had dozens of questions for him and he was certain she wanted to make them now. But when she didn't respond he knew she was contemplating a positive answer, with a tired sigh Derek released the hand that was pressing against her lower back and turned to leave.

She didn't want Derek to go, she wanted him to hold her for the rest of the night, for the rest of her life but Wyatt was there and he was offering her an out. An out of that powerful look that wouldn't let her think straight enough to form a coherent question, out of those hands that had her brain like mush, an out of the strong and manly scent that was weakening her knees. But before she could decide if she wanted that out Derek took the decision for her and left without as much as looking at her. It made her feel horrible and so incredibly lonely.

Wyatt's arms wrapped around her waist and he held her almost as intimately close as Derek had. It felt comfortable because she knew this man and trusted him, but it was nothing compared to everything she was feeling when Derek held her. She immediately missed the warmth of his body, the touch of his hands, the look those stunning eyes of his gave her and as she danced with Wyatt she looked around for Derek, needing that connection with his eyes.

"You looked like you needed help" Wyatt mentioned "It seemed intense between you two"

Meredith wasted a single second to look at him and smile before going back to the task at hand: looking for Derek, for that intense look of his. Wyatt immediately noticed and without having to look around for Derek he located him without even trying, he was looking at them and by the look he had on his face, he wasn't happy.

Giving her a chance to find what she was looking for Wyatt swayed with her to the music and spun her enough to have a good view of where Derek was and with silence he watched her look at him.

"You love him" he realized and let the words out before he could stop himself "You're in love with him"

Meredith stopped looking and focused on Wyatt. This was not more important than Derek but it was important nonetheless, Wyatt was a very important person for Meredith and she didn't want to hurt him in any way.

"I.." she tried but she had no idea what to say. She couldn't deny it because she loved Derek with all her heart.

"It's ok Mer" Wyatt tried to assure her "It was just one time and it meant nothing"

"Wyatt" Meredith sighed, she felt horrible because in a moment of weakness and complete misery she let Wyatt take care of her and for a moment she let him kiss her and touch her so she could forget about how miserable she felt "It meant something, but-"

"Not enough" he finished for her. He understood but that didn't mean he was happy with the answer. Years had passed since they were a thing but he had hoped that maybe one day they could go back to where they were, after all their love had been something grand.

He watched as Derek disappeared in between people and finally into the elevator and wondered "If he hadn't shown up…?"

She looked at him sadly and that was all the answer he needed. She still loved him but not enough, a lot of things had passed and not only after they had broken up but also in their relationship and she was no longer that girl. "I'm sorry"

"That's fine" he brushed it off or pretended to, she wasn't sure "I have a line of girls waiting for me" he winked at her and made her laugh.

The few seconds that took the song to end were comfortable as he held her close and swayed with her. He was not happy with her decision but he would accept it and move on but always with Meredith as her friend.

She needed fresh air to think, to ponder everything that was happening, excusing herself she squeezed in between the guests and made it into the balcony that almost no one visited. She loved to make a stop there every single day after work to simply look at the beautiful lights of the city and listen to the loud noises that strangely relaxed her.

Tonight it wasn't as secluded as she hoped it would be, her friend was also there, obviously escaping from the needy clients they had invited to the party. She moved closer and leaned against the railing, standing right next to her friend.

"He said he's fighting" Meredith mentioned after a long moment of silence.

"For you?" Cristina asked as she turned to look at her very confused best friend.

"I don't know" Meredith sighed

"Do you want him to?" Cristina made a question she knew the answer to, but she needed to hear her say it, and so did Meredith. To her dissatisfaction Meredith didn't answer and just looked at her with an expression that said it all: she wanted him to but was scared of it. She had no other option than to tell her what eventually would happen if she'd keep doing this "You're going to lose him again Meredith"

But Meredith already knew that and it was breaking her inside. Losing him once had been hard enough, she wasn't sure if she could go through with it all over again. And this time she had reasons to believe he felt something for her and it was only going to make it harder.

Cristina watched her best friend closely. She respected her, she was a strong, responsible, smart and independent woman but when it came to Derek she was nothing more than a needy puppy and it was time that changed. "Don't expect me to pick up the pieces again" Cristina spoke, her words colder than she had wanted it but she had to "This time it will be your own fault" And with those words she took off and left her friend alone, hoping she would stop pondering the rights and the wrongs and just followed her heart.

It took Meredith a while to recover from her friend's words because she knew they were the truth. He was here and he was here for her, that she was certain of and she was running around like a chicken with no head. She needed to face her fears and listen to him, once she knew the truth she could decide if she wanted to let him go or not.

By the time she gained enough courage and resolution to maintain a serious and final conversation with Derek most of the clients were gone. Only the employees were there, finally freed from the very uptight clients they had started the real Christmas party. She smiled as she passed by them and waved goodbye to someone that was obviously having a very fun night.

Tess quickly pushed Mario off her and joined Meredith as she waited for the elevator, but by the looks she was giving Mario Meredith was certain she would be all alone in that elevator once it arrived. "Are you going after him?" Tess asked with a sudden sobriety she wasn't expecting, she couldn't even stand on her own and was leaning against the wall!

"I am" Meredith nodded with a smile. She really was going after him and it surprised her to realize she was not as nervous as she thought she would be.

"I'm glad" Tess smiled on her intoxicated state, her eyes closed as the drunken smile formed on her face "He's my big bro, take care of him"

Suddenly she was wrapped around Tess's arms, she immediately returned the hug and had to laugh when Tess wouldn't let her go. Afraid she might have gotten asleep on her Meredith whispered on her ear as she nudged her. If Derek's sister was asleep Meredith would never know, in that instant she pulled back and smiled at her brightly before going back to her previous activities. Activities she was sure Cristina wouldn't like, Cristina and the rest of the females at the office.

This time she rushed home instead of making time like she had done in the afternoon. It took her longer that she wanted to finally get home and when she did she realized the anxiety was building inside of her very quickly, her heart was beating faster as the elevator made it to her floor.

With the peeptoes she'd worn for the night on her hand Meredith approached her door but stopped dead on her tracks when she saw someone sitting against it. Her heart shrunk as she recognized the person and realized why he was there instead of inside. She'd completely forgotten he had no keys to her apartment.

She kneeled in front of him and watched him, he was asleep in the most uncomfortable of positions, she knew he was probably going to hurt all over the next day and yet she waited to wake him up and just watched him. She'd passed 8 long weeks without seeing him and for the past two days she had avoided looking at him to prevent herself from throwing away all progress she'd made but now with him right there and possibly having feelings for her she had to look at him. She had to see him again to remember why he was worth fighting for.

He was sitting on the floor with one leg outstretched across the hallway, the other up against his chest, his head was held up but barely as it pressed against his balled up fist, he'd loosened his tie and undone the first two buttons of his white shirt and as she scanned his face she realized what she needed were his eyes, those blue pools of his that made her feel all kinds of things.

"Derek" she whispered as her hand moved the sole dark curl that had fallen across his forehead "Derek" she insisted when he didn't as much as stirred.

His eyes opened slowly and she couldn't help but smile. How she could make it without those blue pools of his the past 2 months she had no idea, she felt like she needed them to breathe, to survive.

"Hey" she greeted him when he looked around completely disoriented. His eyes focused on her for a moment but a second later he looked away, her smile faded as she realized there was something wrong.

She was kneeled right in front of him and he wanted nothing more than to pull her close, as close as he'd had her during that dance. He wanted to bury his face on her golden hair once again so he could smell her and let that sweet scent lull him back to sleep but there was something that kept him from doing it. He was mad.

He was both mad at her and himself, perhaps more at himself but he was taking it out on her and when he stood up he didn't even help her up, he just took the keys from her hand and proceeded to open the door, he didn't even wait for her to enter and close the door behind her, he let her fight with it until she managed to close the still broken door.

"I… I'm sorry" she apologized nervously "I forgot you didn't have a key"

He simply shrugged and moved away from her to the couch. He took off his jacket, then his tie and plopped down on her white leather couch with a heavy sigh, he was tired and every bone of his body was complaining.

Her resolve dissipated slowly as she watched him, he was obviously not willing to talk to her now, he wasn't even willing to look at her. For a moment she feared she'd lost the opportunity he was giving her, tears formed on her eyes because once again she had lost him and as Cristina had warned her this time it had been her own fault.

Still she tried once again "There's a spear set of keys on the crystal bowl on my desk in the studio" she offered.

She heard nothing as a response and sighed sadly. She didn't know what to do, should she give up and avoid herself the heartache? After all she was likely to expose her heart to get it broken once again. But there was always that 'what if' that challenged her, because what if he felt something for her?

"I'm going to change" she said to no one in particular, because she knew or she thought he didn't care what she did or stopped doing. Her bare feet pressed against the wooden floor with every step she took towards her bedroom, as she passed him she forced herself not to look at him or the tears would surely make it down her cheeks.

"Mer" she heard just as she was about to disappear inside her bedroom. She turned around quickly, he was finally looking at her. "Thanks" he said with the smallest of smiles, but at least it was a smile.

After smiling back she struggled with her next move, the best thing she could do was to disappear inside her bedroom and let things calm down and talk with him tomorrow but her legs didn't agree with her and before she knew it she was right in front of him, sitting on the coffee table.

"Are you going to sleep here?" she questioned. The previous night he'd gone on and on about how uncomfortable the couch would be and slipped inside her bed, tonight with the way he was acting she knew he was not going to repeat his actions. "You slept God knows how long against that door, if you sleep the rest of the night here you won't be able to move tomorrow" She tried to reason with him, not only for the fact that she didn't want him to feel awful in the morning but because she wanted him in her lonely bed with her. "Please, come to bed"

His eyes locked with hers at her words and he watched her for a moment. He didn't understand anything that was happening. The night had started perfect with how close they'd been before leaving for the party, he'd almost tasted her lips and she was not pulling back, she was still fighting herself but she was certainly not pulling back, they were making progress. And the progress continued as they danced, she'd let him hold her and touch her as intimately as allowed in public events and she'd asked him what he was doing there and after his answer she'd looked like she wanted to ask more questions, she didn't look scared, far from it, but then Wyatt had interrupted their moment and she'd chosen to dance with him instead of making all the questions he knew she had.

It upset him more than he'd want to admit but she'd pretty much chosen Wyatt over him, something he was not expecting. He'd given up everything to come to her and the last thing he was expecting was that she'd be choosing an ex-boyfriend over him. It was probably his fault, he had forgotten to even consider that there could be someone on her life, but apparently there was and by the looks of it someone she'd cared for deeply.

Instead of answering with words he answered with actions when he sit up and moved to her bedroom. She followed right behind him and after gathering the clothes she was going to sleep in she disappeared in the bathroom to change. When she came out after brushing her teeth Derek was fast asleep, but at least he was on her bed.

She joined him with no fear, unlike the previous night. She moved to be close to him and feel his warmth but stopped herself from pressing her body against his as she so badly wanted to. This time when she looked at him, when she scanned his face he looked comfortable, exactly the opposite as he looked when he was sleeping against her front door.

The same lock of dark hair was lying across his forehead and she moved it off his face, just as she'd done before. She took a deep breath before brushing her lips against his ever so softly, she knew he was fast asleep but part of her wanted him to be awake and respond to her lips.

"I hope you're fighting for me"


End file.
